I don't wanna do this anymore...

While most folks have off this 4th of July weekend, I have not taken a break. Yep, you guessed it. Another day, another argument with a female friend that ended in apparent alienation. Long story short, I had been rather cold to this girl because she had just gotten in a relationship, and I was of course being a pure a-hole about the siuation. She'd speak to me during the course of a day via AIM, and I'd be good for one word, two or three word answers at the most.

So tonight, when she said she was getting ready for bed because she had to work in the morning, I responded with "uh-huh," which doesn't take a computer science major to figure out that I was being a smart ass. Then we got into this brief argument about a general statement I made earlier about people not caring about my situation because they're happy in their fantasy land relationships, and that women couldn't be trusted with someone's feelings; all subtle shots at her and a lot of my female friends. So she left in a huff, and that pretty much was that.

As much as this happens, you figure I'd be used to it by now, and just shrug it off as Chris being Chris. Unfortunately, I hate when I go off like this. I've been known to be really cold and callous to female friends who have new boyfriends or new situations that they're happy in. One word answers, snap short conversations, walking by them without speaking, I do it all.

Petty and mean, yes. Cruel? Probably. Uncalled for? Absolutely. Yet in spite of knowing that it's wrong, I continue to do it because I guess I have this thirst for vengeance and hurting women so they feel the hurt that I've been put through. Yet and still, it backfires. Horribly.

I do know that I'm tired of alienating and pushing women away because I can't control my emotions or better yet have the cojones to step up and say I want to be with a certain girl. I truly need to find a resolution. Or else I'll continue to be a petty, spiteful, and bitter fool. Not to mention, still alone.