A lesson learned or "I've gotta breathe!"

Hi, my name is Chris, and I'm an impatient-a-holic. *Group says cheerfully* Hi Chris! I figured out this weekend that being impatient, pushy and overbearing, or "thirsty" as my generation calls it, is not a good look.

To set up the story, one my two best friends lost his grandmother this week, so naturally like I did with our mutual best friend (who buried his father on Tuesday), I made my way over to his crib to offer my support and condolences without hesitation. Got to meet members of his family before, including this particular cousin of his, who's a few years older than us. She was kinda flirting with me...o.k., groping and fondling my entire being while her sister was saying I was being molested. Well, I'm a grown ass man and enjoyed it, so much that I got bold and tried to see if she was down for more. Well, I got my answer this morning. The answer was yes. Yes, on a Sunday, yes, not in the most ideal of circumstances, we did *ahem* grown things (although my fellow blogger Agent Ness has no problems with the blow-by-blow description, I'm not that bold yet, LOL). So when she said she wanted something of a round two tonight, but she had to visit her dad, I literally blew her phone up like crazy until now, and I just caught myself like "damn, I'm pressed." My boy, who had no problems with me and his cousin getting to know each other in the physical sense told me when we were hanging out after the event to "NOT be on top of a woman. They hate that shit." Boy, do I know that now. I guess she saw the number and directed my black ass straight to the voice mail. Ouch.

I guess after all my obvious rants about women not being worth a damn and me condemning them to be nothing more than promiscuous, shallow and immature sex objects, I find myself tonight for the first time in my life thinking about how I need to change as well in order to have healthier relationships with the fairer sex. Step one is patience, something I sorely lack.

When I usually talk to females, I need an answer on how they see me, I need things to be black and white, no in between feelings or thoughts. And it's not like I even give them time, like maybe a day or two before I start trying to advance things. Now I know that doesn't make any sense, definitely not smooth behavior. But I guess it's just that I've had so many struggles with seeing myself as someone of considerable importance that I almost need affection and attention from women to validate me. And I know it shouldn't be that way.

Yet and still when a woman doesn't insult me and actually seems interested in conversing and hanging out with me, I take it as a sign that there could be more there, and that's not always the case. I never really played dumb about why most women went off into the night screaming and running after coming in contact with me, but I always denied that it was my fault. I used to say "they just can't handle someone who's upfront." Now I know that I'm WAY TOO UPFRONT, lol, and that I need to settle my nerves and let nature takes it course.

But how do I do that? How do I stop myself from thinking too hard when I really don't know any other way to process things? How do I stop myself from thinking sex is a sure-fire way that a woman is into me? How I develop a cool streak, one that allows me to be patient and play along with whatever plans women have for me? How can I convince myself that even if women don't throw their underwear at or pledge their undying love for me, that I'm still an intelligent, focused, goal-oriented man with a great sense of humor that is worth that and so much more?

A ton a questions, not a lot of answers. But today's events are definitely the first step in answering these questions so I don't make these mistakes anymore.