Help!
O.K., so I've been pretty happy with my boring personal life as of late, but recently I've felt myself feeling kinda lonesome, and I want more than just some hangout partners or clubbing friends (hell, I don't even club). Basically, I'd like to date, but I have a problem. The same thing I've been at war with for years apparently is a serious deterrent to women; my weight. How do I know this? Nearly every woman I've had issues with (and that's most of the women I've come in contact with) has made reference to my weight and facial features in an insulting and degrading manner. Yet my friends and associates claim that women ARE NOT visual creatures. How much sense does that make?
It's frustrating because quite frankly, I am NOT getting any younger. Lord willing, I'll be 27 in about six months, and my closest friends back home in Delaware have started families at pretty much the same age. Ask me how close I am to marriage, hell, even a relationship? Not even. Not. Even. Yet and still, I'd like to have at least a short run at dating and casual intimacy before I do decide to spend the rest of my life with one woman, but I can't even find a woman who isn't superficial and shallow.
You would think that being a decent guy with a college education, a career and his own freakin' place to live would be positives that they could appreciate, however, my size is such an issue that they either turn me down, ignore me completely, want to be just friends, or throw insults. I could see if I was one of the people on Jerry Springer who need forklifts and walls torn down to get the hell out of the house, but I'm not that big. Not even close!
However, my friends and associates swear that "confidence" and "swagger" trumps all. I call bullshit. Confidence and swagger are exclusive only to guys who have had the experience of women falling all over them and respecting them as human beings because of how good they look. Now why wouldn't a dude who gets mistaken for actors/athletes/rappers feel good about himself? You can't be a normal guy with self confidence, because quite frankly, people will work hard to tear it away from you instead of "being drawn" to your confidence.
I'm pretty much open to comments, opinions and suggestions right now, because right now I'm very very annoyed and alone. And I'm not feeling these feelings at all.
It's frustrating because quite frankly, I am NOT getting any younger. Lord willing, I'll be 27 in about six months, and my closest friends back home in Delaware have started families at pretty much the same age. Ask me how close I am to marriage, hell, even a relationship? Not even. Not. Even. Yet and still, I'd like to have at least a short run at dating and casual intimacy before I do decide to spend the rest of my life with one woman, but I can't even find a woman who isn't superficial and shallow.
You would think that being a decent guy with a college education, a career and his own freakin' place to live would be positives that they could appreciate, however, my size is such an issue that they either turn me down, ignore me completely, want to be just friends, or throw insults. I could see if I was one of the people on Jerry Springer who need forklifts and walls torn down to get the hell out of the house, but I'm not that big. Not even close!
However, my friends and associates swear that "confidence" and "swagger" trumps all. I call bullshit. Confidence and swagger are exclusive only to guys who have had the experience of women falling all over them and respecting them as human beings because of how good they look. Now why wouldn't a dude who gets mistaken for actors/athletes/rappers feel good about himself? You can't be a normal guy with self confidence, because quite frankly, people will work hard to tear it away from you instead of "being drawn" to your confidence.
I'm pretty much open to comments, opinions and suggestions right now, because right now I'm very very annoyed and alone. And I'm not feeling these feelings at all.
posted by Chris @ 7:57 PM
8 Comments:
At 9:39 PM,
Anonymous said…
awww C, I feel you. where do you go to come across these type of women.
I don't really know what to tell you. Like everyone tell me, "your time will come" better late then Later...
alright let me cut the crap... lets host a rally "Down with Aloneness" lol...
Don't stress it, there is someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are.. Just focus on bettering yourself for yourself. fix the things you don't like about you but also keep one eye open...
(not really helpful but sorry i tried....will be back with more stuff later lol...)
At 10:35 PM,
Southerner in Suomi said…
Aww Chris, I know it's easier said than done, but you gotta just let things come in their own time.
At 12:27 PM,
Eb the Celeb said…
I think you can be a regular guy with confidance... I am a regular girl with it... I think you are mistaking arrogance. Arrogance stems from guys having chicks falling all over them and that is not an attractive trait. Also confidance should not be compared to swagger. In my personal opinion a swagger is how a person carries himself. Me and a friend had a conversation the other day... There was this guy in the club that was not at all good looking but he was the best dressed brother in there... The way he walked threw the place you would have thought he looked like Will Smith or something... but his swagger is what made chicks look his way even though he wasnt attractive.
I think the more you learn about yourself the more you will come into yourself and people will love you for you... and if they dont then F them.
At 8:16 AM,
Unknown said…
Chris dont be feeling down...i agree that things will come in due time. Just be confident in yourself, and try to get out and do things!
At 10:26 AM,
Jameil said…
but where is your confidence and swagger? if you haven't tried to use it, you probably shouldn't knock it. wait. you SHOULDN'T knock it. i don't want to hear about your weight when you won't talk to someone or even walk into a room like you own it. you asked... (i appear to be in the minority but let's roll w/it)
At 10:39 AM,
Anonymous said…
I think although women may not be as "visual" as men. We're still visual- that's human nature. The sad thing is if you never get past someone's physical appearance you may never discover what a great person they are.
The big question you need to ask yourself is how do YOU feel about your appearance? Because if you have a problem with it then it's a problem. It will definitely affect your ability to be confident when dealing with the opposite sex.
And while women frown upon arrogance we relish confidence and dealing with men who can handle themselves. Do some soul searching and in the end if you feel like you want to do something about your weight perhaps you could join a group (like Weight Watchers) or a gym and meet someone who could potentially be facing the same struggle.
Best of luck to you! You sound like a strong, positive man and I'm sure you will not be regulated to spend your life alone.
At 4:13 PM,
Brittany said…
I believe that it is about confidence and swagger. When you don't have confidence women can smell this a mile away.
I get lonely at times too and sometimes I feel like I am not good enough but just have patience.
At 7:33 PM,
Kristopher said…
Well, I do not really imagine this is likely to work.
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