Worth The Weight

I should've known something was up when I put on my newer pair of black sweatpants and they felt uber tight, even though they didn't look it. Yet I trekked out the front door this afternoon anyway, expecting to complete my 4-mile walk even though I hadn't been out in a month and some change. My back had other ideas. I barely got to the end of my neighborhood's enclave before the small of my back started screaming at me to turn around and get back to the house or else I was going to be ass out in the middle of the street. I did as I was told.

Tonight, I'm in a bad mood because not only have I put on a good 40-45 pounds since I moved to Maryland 4 1/2 months ago, but it's been a sloppy-ass 40 to 45 at that. As I said in my most recent voice post, this is what happens when you have a job (more stressful than it should be) and bills and such to account for. Working out goes out the window and emotional eating somehow forces its way back in.

For those who aren't familiar with the term, my eating habits basically are at the mercy of my emotions. Sad, Angry, Relieved, whatever. I'll pig the hell out, and like most quick fixes and temporary thrills, it hurts more than it helps. It doesn't help that the unhealthy things I was able to kick for 90 percent of 2007 are now at my beck and call because I have a job and the means to buy them.

That's how I've gone from a manageable (and some would say, well-proportioned) 284 pounds to 323 as of Thursday evening (my voice post said 329, but I was guesstimating then, I stepped on a scale at the local college that told me the real). That's 39 pounds officially, and I can't go up another lick. I've got to get it back to where I was when I dropped 80 pounds from 05/22/06 to 10/01/07.

Strictly for personal reasons, because I never felt better about myself when I was able to say that my weight started with a 2. It had been so long since I could feel comfortable with my weight and I was starting to turn the corner in terms of how I see myself. Now I feel myself slipping back into that abyss of low self esteem and self-hatred that has plagued me since my teenage years. I can't go back. I simply can't.

So I'm writing this list in this entry largely to remind myself of what I hope to accomplish in March and going forward, and I would LOVE for you guys to help me and hold me to it. Sure you're hundreds, maybe even thousands of miles away, but the encouragement is always a plus.

So this is what I want to do from tonight to March 31st.

Force myself to buy cold cuts and fruits....and NOTHING ELSE.
Drink water and orange juice instead of eating late night.
Drink water and keep some fruit or gum at the office.
Stretch more.
Do some sit-ups to shrink this damn gut (which is really why my back was screaming at me today)
Try and stay away from chick-fil-a and Rick's cheesesteaks for the entire month.
Walk little by little until my back doesn't hurt and my clothes get loose again.
Find things to do outside of work so my mind won't be on food.
Work harder if I have to.
DON'T LET STRESS RULE EVERYTHING.

The 10 "get at least eight pounds off in March" Commandments for me this month. You guys think I can do it? I hope I can, and any help you all can give via the comments are greatly appreciated it. Meanwhile, I'm going to get a glass of water. *Mumbles to self* Damn emotional eating.