Sticks and Stones

The words were spoken just as plain as a person that age could speak them. Said directly to me with very little regard for how I may have responded, the toddler in the Wal-Mart shopping cart, said "Hello, strange dark person."

In my mind you could've heard a pin drop in San Luis Obispo, California. I didn't know whether to be shocked, offended or pissed off. Instead, I couldn't conjure up those feelings if I tried. I chuckled slightly and looked at her embarrassed redneck father and slightly shook my head.

This incident two Sundays ago let me know that I do indeed live in one of the few places that can pass for the Confederacy Version 2.0 and also that my choices of what to fight for and be pissed off by are, well...interesting to say the least. I really can't blame the little girl because NO ONE is born a racist, although I think a few folks come close. I don't even think that little girl will become a racist adult woman, but clearly she's heard some unsavory things about people of color from folks in her family, and she just happened to repeat it while I was savoring the taste of a bag of Resse's Pieces. I think I didn't react outwardly and wasn't upset because I knew that the little girl wasn't to be admonished (wasn't my place) and that in a matter of weeks, a strange dark person will be running this country, so I just laughed it off and said "kids."

Yet, a few weeks prior to this incident, I was blown away by something a woman said to me that really was a low blow. Mind you, I knew of this chick through high school, college, the whole bit. This broad weighed more than me until recently when she lost quite a bit of weight, and now she thinks she's hot stuff. We talked for an extended period of time, and even agreed that we could hook up (yes, exactly what it means) when I got to DE for Thanksgiving last year. When I reminded her of it, she said it was that time of the month AND she was going out of town. I'm a person that believes all the extra isn't necessary. If she had said one or the other, I would've been more inclined to believe her. But both? Don't have time for games. So I distanced myself from her.

Fast forward to late August, this chick hits me on facebook, and I'm like "what?" So she tells me not to be mad at her, be mad at the women who dogged me out. And said "uh, hello? You fall in line with them, too." After she said she didn't have to take it from me and I said be gone, she said, and I quote...

"Why would you, a fat ugly crybaby, think that you are anywhere on my level? I'm 28 years old, probably make twice as much money as you do...you're better off being a homosexual because no woman in her right mind would want you. I'm glad I'm not a loser like you."

Stunned.

Mouth wide open, you could've driven an 18-wheeler through it.

Whoa.

Women wishing I'd go gay now? How far have I fallen? To my credit, I did not shed a tear, I didn't respond back, I was just stunned, much like when the little girl said what came to her mind, but this comment left me offended, frustrated, and pretty much down and out for a couple of weeks.

I got over it eventually, but it's interesting that I can take somebody's kid calling me a strange dark person in stride, but I take a serious hit when a woman says I should start booty banging with guys. I'm comfortable in my sexuality and the fact that I am heterosexual, but I guess the insult just struck a chord with me, mainly because I'm so afraid people look at my lack of relationships with women and think "well, IS he gay? DOES he like women?" Rest assured I do, but they just don't like me. Hence me being single and alone all the time.

I love being a black man, but I don't love being alone, that's what's there on the surface. But looking deeper, it makes me wonder where my priorities are if I'm more offended by some comment that doesn't even really have any truth to it than the one that really should've been the shocking one.

Maybe I'm just overreacting to it all. Besides, I know who I am and I'm getting comfortable with it as the days wear on.

And apparently I can tune out hurtful jabs better than I've been aware of.