I'm So Old School....

I'm the only one I know who can enjoy ESPNClassic NBA Greatest Games Marathons and not really care what anyone thinks. Even though this marathon took place like a month ago, I'm still watching Game Four of the 1981 Eastern Conference finals between my beloved Philadelphia 76ers and Boston Celtics like it just happened a few days ago. And because I clearly have nothing more to do and no real topics to post about (at least not right now), I will be glad to give you a hint of what Chris Stevens would've written had he been a sports writer instead of a still-forming being in my mother's womb in April of '81.

04/27/1981
Sixers have Celtics knee deep in trouble
by Chris Stevens

Clearly, Bobby Jones can't get enough of Superman II. As the latest superhero flick with Christopher Reeve owns the silver screen, the Philadelphia 76ers' defensive ace saved the day Sunday afternoon, intercepting a Tiny Archibald pass intended for Larry Bird to give the Sixers a 107-105 victory and a 3 games to 1 series lead in these Eastern Conference finals. Julius Erving continue to shut down Larry Bird, and also led all scorers with 26 points. Rookie flash Andrew Toney contributed 17 points, most of which came in the first half.

So what does this mean for the Sixers, now one measly win away from what one would consider a cupcake NBA Finals opponent in either the Kansas City Kings or the Houston Rockets? Surely that "We Owe you One" Dr. J promised the Delaware Valley about four summers ago. The Kings and Rockets are both 40-42 teams who had to pull off ridiculous upsets (Phoenix and Los Angeles respectively) to get to the Wild Wild Western conference finals, and although Houston would rate the toughest test for the Sixers thanks Big Man extraordinare Moses Malone, surely a Sixers championship, 14 years in the making, could only be a matter of three weeks away.

Back to Jones, whose steal might've caused some Controversy like that talented, yet weird young musician named Prince. "I call him 'White Lightning,' he's so quick,"* said Sixers wordsmith Darryl Dawkins, who goes by the nickname "Chocolate Thunder." Dawkins (14 points and 10 rebounds) also played a huge role in the victory, hitting two key jumpshots after the Celtics clawed back to take a three point lead early in the fourth quarter.

The big play of the game came after Jones missed a running left-handed lay-up with nine seconds left, Celtics coach Bill Fitch didn't bother to call a time-out and sent Archibald up the floor, and he saw Bird cutting for the basket. The veteran floor general unleashed a perfect chest pass and the game looked fit to be tied.

That was until Jones jumped in front of the ball and knocked Bird to Chester, and the Sixers are now ahead to stay it seems. And all because the Celtics didn't have the kryptonite for Bobby Jones. As the theme song, written by hometown boys Gene McFadden and John Whithead goes, there may truly be no stopping these Sixers now.

-30-

*That quote actually was made by Darryl's crazy ass in a May 1981 edition of SI after the game in which Bobby Jones made the big steal. So I'm just citing my sources. No Jayson Blair stuff goin' on here, God.

Of course, the legend of the '81 East finals is that the Sixers would go on to lose the next three games to the Celtics, and Boston would claim its 14th NBA Championship by defeating the Rockets 4 games to 2. I would've been bitter as hell had I been around back then. Oh Well, until someone invents a working time machine, there's always ESPNClassic.