The Post Game Show

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

And I got you thinkin' about it, thinkin about it....

"Men want to be a woman's first love. Women want to be a man's last romance." - Oscar Wilde

That quote has been in my head for a minute since I actually read it on a BlackPlanet page over the weekend (yes, I'm still on BP, shut up), and it's got me thinking mad hard about it. I've recited that quote to myself, read it until I'm blue in the face, and for a brother of my complexion, that's no small feat. What does it mean? What was Oscar getting at? And why do I care?

Simply put, women are long term thinkers, at least the good ones are anyway. In a sports-related analogy, women are the patient general managers and coaches who will build through a draft and a minor-league system, which is why they really bemoan the death of true dating. They want to get to know a man inside and out; his likes and dislikes, his quirks, his flaws, his strengths, basically everything short of his blood type and Social Security number. Men, well, we just wanna get inside. Men are the "win now, worry later" GMs and Coaches. Go for what's hot now, what you can get out if it immediately and then worry about what's next when it comes, chemistry and teamwork be damned.

What it means for me is that I kinda-sorta understand why some women employ the friendship defense as opposed to sheer, brutal honesty, which is something I'd rather be hit with than "you seem like a good friend, so let's be friends." As anyone who knows me or has read this blog over the course of two-plus years knows, I absolutely ABHOR male/female friendships. I think it's virtually impossible for a man and woman to be just friends, especially when one side or both sides find eachother physically attractive.

While usually it's a one-way street and turns into a bitter, unrequited love, the rare instances where the attraction is mutual becomes a reason to try for more than friendship and it's usually 50-50 on whether it works or not. I fall into the category of unrequited love often, and believe me, it's no fun.

However, ole Oscar, as my English Lit professor calls him, makes a great point in that quote that women are in it for the long haul most of the time, and that's where the misunderstandings occur. I usually think of women seeking friendship as playing games, being dishonest and a convienient excuse to keep their options (and in my crude thought process, legs) open. Yet, more often than not, there is indeed a process to earning anything above a friendship label with women. That usually entails friendship, but being the win-now GM, I can't stick around long enough for the building process. That's just how I, and most men for that matter, are.

So while we wonder why male and female relationships are taking such a hit these days, reading that quote gave me a general idea of why the situation is what it is right now. While women don't mind waiting before winning their championship, men have to win now like there is no tomorrow.

Then again, since it's already tomorrow in Australia, I guess I need to slow down and try to build towards the chip myself.


  • At 2:14 PM, Blogger jameil1922 said…

    at some point you have to stop guarding your heart like a fortress and give it a shot. AND if you don't want to be a woman's friend, you definitely don't want to be her husband. you'd be hard pressed to find a good woman today who doesn't want her husband to also be her friend. most of our generation is sick of divorces. we want forever. and we have come to realize friendship is the ticket or at least a damn good foundation. keep your mindset on the here and now and those will continue to be the people you attract, magnifying your frustration.

  • At 9:16 PM, Blogger Vdizzle said…

    What Jameil said...

    But I'll add that I have found myself lonely as of late but also emotionally lazy. I had to tell a semi-new male friend the other day, after some unexpected suggestions about spending more time together. My response: "I don't think that'd be a good idea. In reality, I just like flirting with you and want nothing more."
    I told him if that's a problem, I'd stopped, he laughed, told me I was crazy and said "cool." Lol!!

  • At 11:45 PM, Anonymous CNEL said…

    Yea that one got me once. It probably made its way to my quotes of the week. Another one recently got me as well when I read it somewhere it said, "I want you to be my last first kiss."

    I think at the end of the day men and women both want assurances, assurances that they will one day have stability, support, compassionship and that that will be ensured by love.

    I found that we want the same things but ultimately at the right time.

    And please stop writing about my life, and saying its yours.

    Good post LoL.

  • At 6:02 PM, Blogger spchrist said…

    I'm a little bit of both. I want to win through the draft but I'm not afraid to sign a good free agent.


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