When is enough really enough?

When woman X and I got together one January afternoon, I thought I had at least secured a friend with benefits, something I hated on for the longest time but was ready to get down with in this particular case. A divorced woman with teenage kids who swore she would want another go round, and that worked for me. However, I soon found out with her that age truly is just a number (she said she was 38, but I can't tell anymore). Between the mind games, the false promises and the reverse psychology, tonight I had my fill.

"It's like you're looking for a reason to get rid of me," I said after an argument about her totally ignoring me sometimes and getting my hopes up other times.

"Think what you want to think," was her acid response.

At that point, something clicked. You can't make somebody want you. Especially if you had to jump through hoops of fire to get them to see you in the first place. I figured out one thing about casual hook-ups tonight; it should be left where it is, in that moment in time, that instance where you got what you needed for that moment. And that it takes a certain mindset to leave it where it is. I have to think if I even want that mindset, much less develop it for the sake of getting the goodies.

I've deleted all her phone numbers from my house phone (no cell of course), her contact information on yahoo, and I'm sitting here breathing deeply, convincing myself that I made the right decision in letting her know that she was indeed a waste of my time despite that off-the-chain afternoon we had together in this bed behind me.

Whether my pursuit of all things casual and quick is right or wrong is open for debate, what isn't open for debate is the fact that I do know what I will and will not accept from this point forward. Be real or be gone, that's the new slogan.

As my younger sister used to say "I don't play games; I quit school because of recess." And I start to see the playground overcrowding now. Let me get outta here.