I'm Trying...
The more the days wear on, the less patience and tact I have. Which is unusual for me, considering I've been more than diplomatic over my 27 (and if it's God's will, soon to be 28) years of living. But it gets old to be attacked, bullied, disrespected, degraded and ganged up on because I'm open about the b.s. I deal with on a day to day basis from women.
If it's one thing I really hate, it's being told how to feel. Last night's conversation with a good friend who I haven't seen in almost nine years didn't help matters either. Going back to my high school days, myself and three friends of mine gave ourselves the nickname of The Untouchables, kinda like our own version of professional wrestling's Four Horsemen.
Darius was Ric Flair, I was kinda/sorta Ole Anderson, Corey (the friend I spoke to last night) was Tully Blanchard and Matt was Arn Anderson. We went everywhere together, did a bunch of stuff together and were as tight as can be until Corey left Delaware for Minnesota to attend college and live with his mom a decade ago. (Jesus, time flies).
Anyway, he's married now with a three-year old daughter and he was so excited, talking about how rewarding family life was and while I was truly happy for him, it dawned on me that it will never be me. I'm too far gone. I'm pretty much sick and tired of women and the games they play, but of course being heterosexual, that leaves me pretty much assed out in terms of companionship.
And of course somehow, that's my fault. It's my fault that women are superficial and shallow, patently obsessed with a man's bank account, physique and facial features. It's my fault that since I don't measure up in those regards, women think it's cool to string me along in false friendships. It's my fault that anywhere I go, women look at me with distain or derision. It's all me. Whatever.
This post won't win me any popularity contests, but I should be used to that by now. I have feelings like any other normal human being, and for them to be hurt time and time again, I'm well within my rights to speak on what's bothering me and what's hurting me.
Like I said in a previous fed-up-with-people-throwing-shade-at-me post, when you put stuff out here on this vast network, you tend to get feedback, unsolicited or otherwise. But when somebody with their own bs tries to throw me under the bus and says I need therapy? That's a line that should have NEVER been crossed. You? Of all people? Bold, aren't we?
That said, it's sad that I have to find out this way that the only person I can truly depend on is myself. I mean other folks are good for sharing good conversation and laughs with, but when it comes to my personal life and struggles related to it, I'm better off fighting that battle alone and in silence. And that's my trust in humanity is largely shattered. People that you think care about you and your well-being, that should want you to really get better and find happiness, really don't care at all. Unless it's jokes and humor, which apparently I need to be 24/7 for people to even want to talk to me.
And I'm wrong for saying what's on my mind this blatantly, but holding it in would only make things worse. So if anybody's offended, I'm sorry, but when has anyone ever apologized to me?
If it's one thing I really hate, it's being told how to feel. Last night's conversation with a good friend who I haven't seen in almost nine years didn't help matters either. Going back to my high school days, myself and three friends of mine gave ourselves the nickname of The Untouchables, kinda like our own version of professional wrestling's Four Horsemen.
Darius was Ric Flair, I was kinda/sorta Ole Anderson, Corey (the friend I spoke to last night) was Tully Blanchard and Matt was Arn Anderson. We went everywhere together, did a bunch of stuff together and were as tight as can be until Corey left Delaware for Minnesota to attend college and live with his mom a decade ago. (Jesus, time flies).
Anyway, he's married now with a three-year old daughter and he was so excited, talking about how rewarding family life was and while I was truly happy for him, it dawned on me that it will never be me. I'm too far gone. I'm pretty much sick and tired of women and the games they play, but of course being heterosexual, that leaves me pretty much assed out in terms of companionship.
And of course somehow, that's my fault. It's my fault that women are superficial and shallow, patently obsessed with a man's bank account, physique and facial features. It's my fault that since I don't measure up in those regards, women think it's cool to string me along in false friendships. It's my fault that anywhere I go, women look at me with distain or derision. It's all me. Whatever.
This post won't win me any popularity contests, but I should be used to that by now. I have feelings like any other normal human being, and for them to be hurt time and time again, I'm well within my rights to speak on what's bothering me and what's hurting me.
Like I said in a previous fed-up-with-people-throwing-shade-at-me post, when you put stuff out here on this vast network, you tend to get feedback, unsolicited or otherwise. But when somebody with their own bs tries to throw me under the bus and says I need therapy? That's a line that should have NEVER been crossed. You? Of all people? Bold, aren't we?
That said, it's sad that I have to find out this way that the only person I can truly depend on is myself. I mean other folks are good for sharing good conversation and laughs with, but when it comes to my personal life and struggles related to it, I'm better off fighting that battle alone and in silence. And that's my trust in humanity is largely shattered. People that you think care about you and your well-being, that should want you to really get better and find happiness, really don't care at all. Unless it's jokes and humor, which apparently I need to be 24/7 for people to even want to talk to me.
And I'm wrong for saying what's on my mind this blatantly, but holding it in would only make things worse. So if anybody's offended, I'm sorry, but when has anyone ever apologized to me?
posted by Chris @ 4:31 PM
6 Comments:
At 11:58 AM,
Unknown said…
Not all women are the same your just meeting the wrong ones that happen to have skank ass attitudes. I wouldn't even stress over it you'll meet someone when you least expect it.
At 7:00 PM,
JayBee said…
You have every right to post about whatever the hell you want to. I find that's it's cathartic. To me, what makes certain blogs stand out is the willingness of the author to lay naked before the readers. Honesty and transparency.
At 8:41 PM,
Mizrepresent said…
You are still so young...so please don't throw yourself or your future under the bus. You will have all that you need and want...in time my friend...believe me.
At 3:13 AM,
Southerner in Suomi said…
My only thing is I wish you could let stuff go better. These people are not worth listening to. My grandmother always said when someone is talking about you, consider the source. So when a chick who's vag is open like an iHop (24/7) says you need therapy, consider the source and let that shit roll off your back.
At 7:19 PM,
Cunty Black Woman said…
Wow.
You know, assuming that all women are shallow, looks-obsessed golddiggers is not going to go a long way to winning you any self-respecting female friends.
Because, generally speaking, self-respecting women don't like to be insulted.
Second, you need to take a good long look at yourself, and your blog rants, because you're starting to sound a lot like this guy.
His blog was filled screeds filled with hate and vitriol toward women that aren't that different from your own, if you add another 20 or so years and the anger and frustration that festers for that amount of time.
You might want to read this post on Jezebel, because this current line of thinking is really isolating and destructive, and it's not going to get you anywhere.
At 7:58 PM,
Cunty Black Woman said…
And another thing ...
I resent the implication the my vagina is open 24/7.
I mean, I close at least once a month for routine cleaning. :-/
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