Do I make you hawnay, bay-bay?!

The worst thing that can probably come out of losing weight is my development of a super-huge ego. I say this because recently I've been having these thoughts of invincibility, thoughts that I've probably never had and if I did, they were as a child prior to me getting heavy or the time I jammed my left wrist falling off a fence in Battery Park when I was about nine years old (I was imitating the Undertaker's tight-rope act and slipped. Not fun). Somehow, I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and for the first time ever, I actually look at myself and like what I see. Obviously there's still PLENTY of work to be done, but it's been a lot easier to see myself as a person, as someone who has the right to be respected, someone who doesn't need the approval of others to breathe the same air they do. It's a welcome change.

At the same time, it leaves room for, as Veronica said, for me to "go Kanye" on y'all, and that's something I want to avoid. While I would never turn my back on or get cocky with so many folks who have been in my corner, trying to get me right professionally, emotionally and physically, I can't say I have that same love for these clowns at DSU and in the state of Delaware. If and when I decide to come back to this place (Homecoming '07 is a long shot because if I'm employed by then, I'll be damned if I'm asking for time off to see thousands of people I can't stand), I'll be about as untouchable as the President, minus the Secret Service.

The ego part of me is looking forward to coming back in shape, looking good and seeing the looks and stares. I've already seen some of those looks, and I'm still about 90 pounds away from my ultimate goal, so once I get there, you won't be able to tell me anything. While I really shouldn't care about showing so many people up, there's always been the Chris that has to have the final say, and what better way than to show up 140 pounds lighter, employed in the field of my dreams, living a happy and successful life when so many people went out of their way to make my life miserable over the years? Sounds like a pretty good plan if you ask me.

While I still have my issues with women, I'm starting to feel like they're just that; women. Not saying that women are worthless, but the ones I've come across have made me feel like it's impossible to even deal with them. Now that I realize that once I get my stuff together on all levels I'll attract some decent members of the fairer sex, these cluck clucks that I'm presently surrounded by can't bring me down anymore, which they never should've been able to do in the first place.

So while I'm humble and grateful for what's gone right, I still have a bit of a competitive edge to me that wants to show everybody who ever wronged me that I made it without their help and it's too late for them to jump on the bandwagon. To quote the always quotable Shawn Carter, "please repeat after me, there's only rule; I will NOT lose." Well, anything except this weight. I'll definitely keep losing that.