One Time For The Truth....

As crazy as the women in my family are, one thing I could always count on them for, which pretty much is in line with death and taxes; the truth.  They always told me the real, whether I liked it or not, and quite frankly, they didn't give a damn whether I did like it or not.  That I appreciate and am indebted to them for.   I say that because since I've first started dealing with females from 16 on, needless to say, I've dealt with lies, damned lies and more b.s. than the cow farm a few minutes north of the crib (yeah, I am OUT HERE y'all, LOL).

Remember that friend I was telling you guys about, the one who y'all mercilessly clowned me for not going out to places and things with?  Well now, she's an ex-friend.  Reason being that she pretty much lied to my face about how she would never date any of her male friends (least of all me, because she'd quote-unquote "run me over and eat my ass up").  So why Saturday does she hit me up talking about she's in love with one of her closest friends, and gets tight when my obvious silence tells a better story than words ever could?  So from Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon, I was heated.  I did myspace surveys, with a bunch of the dating questions filled out with annoyed answers alluding this situation, and I guess the final straw was when I changed my yahoo messenger status to "no more female friends for me, thanks.  All they do is lie."

All of a sudden, I get an IM from ex-friend talking about how I'm crazy and that I threw away a friendship with someone who really cares just because I wanted to smash, blahzay blahzay.   My response was simple, "you lied about dating friends, you played me for a fool, I don't need the dumb shit in my life."  Then we argued back and forth for like an hour before I simply told her don't bring her son into this (she asked me to still speak to him if they happened to see me out in public) and that was that.

My problem in all of this?  Don't lie to me.  I remember how it felt when a female first lied to me about how she felt about me and how I found the hard way by watching her kiss another dude on Valentine's Day my senior year of high school.  The only thing that has hurt me worse to date is when my grandmother died 07/04/06.  Lying and platonic friendships tie together in my case because it seems like that's all my friendships with women have been; one big, cruel, discouraging and unnecessary lie.  And I can't deal with it anymore.

The truth hurts a lot of people, but that's because they aren't prepared to deal with the initial shock, which quite frankly isn't as bad as one would think.  I'd much rather a woman let me know ahead of time how things are going to.  For example;

Potential friend:  Chris, now listen.  We can be cool, we can hang out, we can talk, but I'll end up having sex with 20-25 dudes during our friendship.  No chance in hell you're one of them.

Chris:  Fair enough.

Woman:  Sorry, but I don't think you're the kind of guy I'm looking for, and I don't think it'd be cool to string you along and call you a friend.

Chris:  GLORY HALLELUJAH!  PLEASE TO BE THANKING YOU FOR BEING HONEST!

That said, I guess I can see why women fail to be honest in dealing with me, because I do seem so doggone fragile that anything less than victory would crush me, and that's my fault.  If I've survived not marching across my high school and college stages, my weight ballooning to 365 pounds and struggling to find a job in the field I earned my degree in, then why can't I hold it together when a woman isn't interested in me?  Instead I go through these periods of self-hatred and misery that carry over into any kind of interaction with a female to where they're like "Jesus Christ, I better at least keep him around as a friend or he's liable to off himself."

Like I said, totally my fault, totally up to me to change it.

Still that doesn't absolve the out and out lies that I've been told over the years.  I just wish that for once in my life, a woman would tell me the real instead of telling me what they think I want to hear.  Because the word "friend?"  Is not it.