The Post Game Show

Monday, May 05, 2008

One Time For The Truth....

As crazy as the women in my family are, one thing I could always count on them for, which pretty much is in line with death and taxes; the truth.  They always told me the real, whether I liked it or not, and quite frankly, they didn't give a damn whether I did like it or not.  That I appreciate and am indebted to them for.   I say that because since I've first started dealing with females from 16 on, needless to say, I've dealt with lies, damned lies and more b.s. than the cow farm a few minutes north of the crib (yeah, I am OUT HERE y'all, LOL).

Remember that friend I was telling you guys about, the one who y'all mercilessly clowned me for not going out to places and things with?  Well now, she's an ex-friend.  Reason being that she pretty much lied to my face about how she would never date any of her male friends (least of all me, because she'd quote-unquote "run me over and eat my ass up").  So why Saturday does she hit me up talking about she's in love with one of her closest friends, and gets tight when my obvious silence tells a better story than words ever could?  So from Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon, I was heated.  I did myspace surveys, with a bunch of the dating questions filled out with annoyed answers alluding this situation, and I guess the final straw was when I changed my yahoo messenger status to "no more female friends for me, thanks.  All they do is lie."

All of a sudden, I get an IM from ex-friend talking about how I'm crazy and that I threw away a friendship with someone who really cares just because I wanted to smash, blahzay blahzay.   My response was simple, "you lied about dating friends, you played me for a fool, I don't need the dumb shit in my life."  Then we argued back and forth for like an hour before I simply told her don't bring her son into this (she asked me to still speak to him if they happened to see me out in public) and that was that.

My problem in all of this?  Don't lie to me.  I remember how it felt when a female first lied to me about how she felt about me and how I found the hard way by watching her kiss another dude on Valentine's Day my senior year of high school.  The only thing that has hurt me worse to date is when my grandmother died 07/04/06.  Lying and platonic friendships tie together in my case because it seems like that's all my friendships with women have been; one big, cruel, discouraging and unnecessary lie.  And I can't deal with it anymore.

The truth hurts a lot of people, but that's because they aren't prepared to deal with the initial shock, which quite frankly isn't as bad as one would think.  I'd much rather a woman let me know ahead of time how things are going to.  For example;

Potential friend:  Chris, now listen.  We can be cool, we can hang out, we can talk, but I'll end up having sex with 20-25 dudes during our friendship.  No chance in hell you're one of them.
Chris:  Fair enough.

Woman:  Sorry, but I don't think you're the kind of guy I'm looking for, and I don't think it'd be cool to string you along and call you a friend.
Chris:  GLORY HALLELUJAH!  PLEASE TO BE THANKING YOU FOR BEING HONEST!

That said, I guess I can see why women fail to be honest in dealing with me, because I do seem so doggone fragile that anything less than victory would crush me, and that's my fault.  If I've survived not marching across my high school and college stages, my weight ballooning to 365 pounds and struggling to find a job in the field I earned my degree in, then why can't I hold it together when a woman isn't interested in me?  Instead I go through these periods of self-hatred and misery that carry over into any kind of interaction with a female to where they're like "Jesus Christ, I better at least keep him around as a friend or he's liable to off himself."

Like I said, totally my fault, totally up to me to change it.

Still that doesn't absolve the out and out lies that I've been told over the years.  I just wish that for once in my life, a woman would tell me the real instead of telling me what they think I want to hear.  Because the word "friend?"  Is not it.

16 Comments:

  • At 4:36 PM, Blogger memphiz said…

    ughh sounds like a damn mess...we had a sermon at church about lying. The pastor said simply "the truth shall set you free". But then he hit us with, is there their certain situations to where you need to lie....

     
  • At 4:40 PM, Blogger memphiz said…

    umm my whole comment did not post...im mad!

     
  • At 7:22 PM, Blogger Eb the Celeb said…

    a sensitive man... some woman dont know how to deal with it... the same reason why men lie to woman all the time... because they think they wont be able to handle it... still no excuse.. but if you come off as showing or having a lot of feelings when most men dont... that's why she lied... just my 2 cents

     
  • At 7:23 PM, Blogger Brittany said…

    Do you really think that if a female told the truth it would still not hurt as much.

     
  • At 8:00 PM, Blogger Mizrepresent said…

    Dang! Big hug Chris...listen, it's a two-way street, really. I just recently got smashed by someone who was really nice, we were enjoying great conversation, had a great date, he even asked me, don't hang up while leaving the restaurant and wanted to talk to me while i drove home, another 45 minutes and then after. Some days later, i call, i text, i email, with no response, by the time i get a response it's kind of cold. I'm like what's up? You okay, etc...he's like yeah. Well, haven't heard from you much. He - well ran into an old girlfriend an i've been pretty much kicking it with her...Me - oh okay. He - hope i didn't disappoint you, but we can be friends. Me - oh that's cool, be happy (me thinking F2$%*! friends ) So, i know how you feel, really, i do. Keep your head up, she just wasn't for you, which i told the dude, you just wasn't for me, so that's the way the story ended.

     
  • At 10:40 AM, Blogger D'lee Trecia said…

    Like i said, men and women are ALIKE. i think she lies because of the quality you brings to the "friendship yall had" I mean her son talks to you right its like your the type who will be there for her son when hes in a situation or something and she wouldn't want to loose that... (heck i don't know much about that..)

    But you right. I feel the same way as you do when it comes to men. But like EB said, i'm going to have to agree. I'm so over the top emotional so they don't come out and tell the truth until i beat it out of them. like they say what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger... shes guilty for that though...

     
  • At 11:29 AM, Blogger La said…

    Ok this is real talk and I appreciate you for it...


    But LMFAO!!!! @ the hypothetical convos chicks could have with you, lol

     
  • At 1:08 PM, Blogger Gotta Let it Out said…

    She's a mess, and you can do much better than someone who can't keep it real. I say, be more selective about the company you keep. She's not good peoples. Eb hit the nail on the head... some "girls" just don't know how to deal with it.

     
  • At 3:45 PM, Blogger JayBee said…

    the imaginary conversation was hilarious. i totally feel you. just tell me the truth. you ain't got to lie craig (carmen)! just so i'm clear, you don't expect to bang every female who you're cool with, right? if i liked a girl and she shot me that line of crap about not messing with friends and i found out later that she did mess with another one of her male friends, it would definitely be time for her to get cut off.

     
  • At 12:49 AM, Anonymous Shannon said…

    I've lost a lot of potential friends from being flat out honest but I believe that's the only way to be. I don't have time to string people along or cover up lies and all of that crap that people tend to do. I'm a woman who is about her business and I just don't have time for such silly games. I'd much rather tell the truth than to have to deal with hurting someone's feelings later on. If I tell the truth and that person becomes upset, he can at least be grateful that I was honest.

     
  • At 9:09 AM, Blogger Veronica Wright (Hunnie) said…

    Women call themselves "letting you down easy" when the best thing to do is just to say "I don't look at you as anything more than a platonic friend" How hard is that?!?!?!

     
  • At 10:47 AM, Blogger Chris said…

    That's what I like about some preachers Memph, they preach the word and still hit home on human imperfections. Speaking of which, this chick called me a bitch throughout our argument and then said she would pray for me. Crazy.

    That makes sense Eb, because I know I can be an emotional person and that I take everything personally, so that could be a reason why she straight up lied.

    Nah Brittany, it would hurt if a woman told me straight up she wasn't interested, but I'd count my blessings that she didn't feel the need to lead me on with the friendship thing.

    Miz, I tell you, if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all with women, lol...thanks for sharing that story to let me know it happens to everybody.

    D, I didn't mentor her son or anything, but she wants me to still act like everything is cool in public, when it's not. The kid's eight years old, so she needs to tell him the truth. At least I don't think she'd lie to her son.

    LOL La, that's ALL I want though, babes. Just be honest with me so I can cry a river, build a bridge and get over it.

    Thanks Gotta, I guess I do have to do a much better of job in reference to the company I keep.

    I wouldn't say every female friend, but a few, Jay. There were and are a few I'd get down with, but clearly friendship stipulates that road is closed...at least for me anyway.

    And that's exactly my point Shannon. Well said and thanks for stopping by!

    It seems very hard for women to be honest with me Veronica, and like I said, that's my fault for being as fragile as I am. I've got to get tougher.

     
  • At 10:30 AM, Blogger Veronica Wright (Hunnie) said…

    But why change? Continue to be YOU. I mean, don't be a pushover or anything. By all means stand up for yourself and try to recognize the signs earlier but be the way you FEEL comfortable being. Someone will come along that appreciates all that CHRIS is and everything you have to offer.

     
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