One Step Forward, 1000 Steps Back....

I can't keep women in my life. My walking partner/FWB is now a distant memory after a particularly ugly fight (don't worry, my last name ain't Brown, no violence) a week ago that put me right back at Square One as far as the ongoing struggle with women goes. Instead of giving up on my walking because I was now alone again, I just decided to go back to what I did last fall. First thing in the morning, stretch, 10 laps, stretch again, but this time with the sit-ups after, THEN get my work day started. It's worked out well so far this week, however I can't help but feel guilt and shame over my latest troubles.

I really don't see things getting better as far as dealing with the fairer sex goes. I won't even go into detail about how this recent situation went from sugar to... you get the picture. I just always go back to my favorite saying in reference to these problems: "I can't win for losing." It just seems like women do not like me in the least, whether it's my physical appearance or something else, I always seem to get shot down. Slowly but surely, my physique is changing, especially in areas that really were an eyesore to me, so if I keep with this recent routine (and I plan on doing my best to keep it up), I'll be to where I want to be in terms of body shape and weight.

But what if I get there and nothing changes? It'll feel like I've done all this work for nothing, which is a bad thought anyway. I should be doing this for my health. And the thing is, I only feel bad about my weight when women mention it or just flat out ignore me - I always think that's the reason I have no luck. And considering my aversion to social events, I've tried every internet site known to man to meet women. That's all I've been trying for the last decade, and it still hasn't worked. People keep telling me to go outside and meet women, but anywhere I go, be it for work or running errands, women look at me with disgust or derision. Stop me if you've heard that before - I'm sure you have.

But what can you do when the fear of being ridiculed and a legitimate discomfort with public places and in-person social situations are stronger than the allure of any "good time" a square like myself can I have? I don't drink or smoke. I dance my ass off at home, but that's because nobody can see me. I'm very uncomfortable in crowds because I always think somebody's talking about me or looking for a way to make a joke out of me. Randomly approaching women? Forget it. I guess maybe I should just give it up and accept my life as a troll. It's a lot easier than getting my hopes up every once in a while.