The Post Game Show

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Hello....is it me you're looking for?

The question comes up often when my well-meaning friends, associates and colleagues are kind enough to listen to my worrisome situations. A question that makes sense in the eyes of many, but has yet to be answered legitimately by yours truly. A question that needs to be answered if I'm ever going to get the ball rolling and start doing what normal people do, I think they call it dating.

"Chris....what type of woman do you like? What are you really looking for?"

I've never really figured that part out. Sounds really silly in the grand scheme of things, right? Well...take a walk with me. Y'all love to do that, right? Cool.

At first glance, I seem to be the (African) American dream in terms of what a single heterosexual male has to offer. College-educated, no children, a career that he enjoys, and his own apartment and automobile. However, at the risk of igniting Jam the realist (it's all love!), I will say that I think back to the Chris Rock special where he was like "Whaddya want? A cookie? 'I take care of my kids...' YOU SUPPOSED TO! LOW EXPECTATION-HAVING MOTHER****ERS!" So I don't hold myself up as being better than this man or that man because I did this and am currently doing that. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of what I've accomplished so far, but I know it's not enough to keep a woman around for any length of time. Those are intangibles that merely serve to get her at least interested in talking to a man.

I think that's where the trouble for me begins because while I have those nice things going for me, I honestly feel that a woman who has HER stuff together could never be interested in me. The thing is, I know black women who've got it going on. My lady friends in Bloggerland and other places are beautiful, intelligent, educated, gainfully employed women who hold their own and don't need a man to survive. Yet and still, they are my friends and of course THEY'RE going to be kind to me...they care about a brother and if he can get it together personally. Who's to say a woman with their same characteristics, yet isn't familiar with me, is going to feel the same way? And everybody's like "well you should go where the women who've got it together hang out at!" And they would be right, but I end up being my own worst enemy because I don't feel I measure up aesthetically to what that type of woman, as dynamite as she is, prefers her mate to be.

So while shying away from women with careers, goals and homes of their own, I find myself chasing after women with multiple baby daddies, living at home with their parents, couldn't care less who Toni Morrison is and use slang and sailor talk all day long. While I may get lucky in a physical sense with them once in a blue moon, most of the time, those are the women who are the ones calling me out of my name and trying to play me for a fool. Now I know you're saying, "well Chris, wouldn't it make sense to stay away from these skip skap skallywop skanks?" (You can thank Vdizzle for that terminology, LOL) Yes it would, but there's that self-imposed wall again.

You only go after what you feel you deserve and/or what you think is easiest to get. It's like that age-old e-mail forward that says the best apples are at the top of the tree, but guys won't climb because they're afraid they'll fall and get hurt (send this to every girl you know who is a good apple and you'll have good luck in a week!...kidding). I'm that guy who is aware of where the good fruit is, but MAN, those branches are a long way up there. So I reach for the fruit that's been there a minute, but is indeed within reach and then I have the nerve to be surprised when the doggone thing is spoiled and sour. Not a good look.

So the obvious solution is one that I've struggled with since at least 16 years old...find some self-esteem and get out there and go after real women, not to mention stop trying to force the square peg in the round hole in terms of sex jumping off. I'm ready to start that process. I owe that much to myself.

So I guess as of July 1st 2008, Chris is looking for self-love, self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-confidence. Then he'll start trying to identify where the good women are hiding. Then again, who's to say they've been hiding at all? Maybe I've just been hiding from the group of women who've been waiting for me to come to my senses for quite sometime now.

12 Comments:

  • At 6:17 PM, Blogger Vdizzle said…

    Yep and it starts with you.

    Like Kat Williams said: "It's esteem of yo MUTHAF***IN' SELF!!

     
  • At 9:08 PM, Blogger Mizrepresent said…

    Alright I hear you on this...this is what i've been talking about. Build you...and believe me...they will come...! They will, no self-doubt, you are a good man, believe that, relish in that, front that, swagger in that. Be you baby and everything else will fall into place.

     
  • At 10:29 PM, Blogger Stew said…

    just know this. just because the women you want do not have the same problems as the women you have, does not mean that you will want to deal with those problems either.

    but getting a little self confidence is never a bad thing. start small then work you way up.

     
  • At 11:07 PM, Blogger Brittany said…

    That's exactly what you need to do. Starts with you...and they are not hiding..you just need to look.

     
  • At 12:03 AM, Blogger memphiz said…

    number one no hoodrats b/c if thats what you want i know plenty of them! lol j/p. But I'm happy that your starting somewhere and the best is to start with yourself.

     
  • At 12:32 AM, Blogger Yasmeen Christian said…

    You will find love this summer.

     
  • At 1:50 PM, Blogger Veronica Wright said…

    "And everybody's like "well you should go where the women who've got it together hang out at!" And they would be right, but I end up being my own worst enemy because I don't feel I measure up aesthetically to what that type of woman, as dynamite as she is, prefers her mate to be."

    Don't be afraidn...no matter HOW you think you look, someone will find your attractive. Take my Chief for example..everybody dont think he's the finest thing but he's MY man and I'm proud of him.

    And that's how a REAL woman will be with you when y'allg et together. YOujsuthave to find a way to let go of your insecurities about yourself. GO to those places--become a regular..don't go there with hooking up with a potential girlfriend in mind. Just got out witht he goal of meeting people and having good conversation. Get comfortable first in those types of environments. You may not know this but women are attracted to CONFIDENCE above looks. You have to exude some time of self-love in order to get love from others.

    You can do it!!!!

     
  • At 1:52 PM, Blogger jameil1922 said…

    you know Jameil is always right... just sayin.

     
  • At 3:38 PM, Blogger Eb the Celeb said…

    I don't understand why you don't feel you deserve better than the chicks with 5 different baby daddies.

    but that last paragraph is definitely what you need to work on...

    the sexiest thing that will attract women of substance is confidence

     
  • At 8:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    confidence works. get some. now.

     
  • At 10:51 AM, Anonymous 90 Day Girl said…

    Here's a scenario:

    Stranger Lady (with substance) sends an email to blogger dude saying she likes you. Stranger Lady says to blogger maybe we have a lot in common and I think you're fly. Stranger says I'd like to get to know you better but I want to wait awhile before we get intimate. Stranger is interested in a relationship of substance with blogger.

    Blogger's response to stranger is "I won't talk to you on the phone, I don't want to get to know you, and if we aren't going to have sex the first time we meet, then let's not bother." Blogger calls Stranger Lady a few choice words because she won't drop her drawers for Blogger on sight.

    It seems very easy to write about things one would like to change about oneself, but another thing completely to take the first steps in reaching out to someone who may just be closer to what you say is your ideal.

     
  • At 10:07 AM, Blogger Mr.Slish said…

    I'm an intruder here. But lets get down to to the real issue that seems to be going on...

    Do you feel like you're not physically attractive to these so called women who have their shit together?..because if that's the case its relatively easy to fix...

    If that's not the case then you're standing in your own way. By talking yourself out of a good thing...

    Lemme tell you something my brotha. Educated, beautiful women. Like the simpliest things. A man who listens and supports their dreams. A dude like that no matter what he looks like will grab her heartand hold onto it for as long as he desires.

    Now some women are superficial and require their men to look a certain way and that's fine, but my friend I've seen these same women a few years later married to a dude with a receding hairline a GUT the size of hot air balloon....lol I try not to laugh because I know they've realized that love comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors

    So Chris. Uncle Slish is going to give you this last piece of advice NO ONE and I mean NO ONE EVER questions a CONFIDENT man.

     

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