The Post Game Show

Monday, March 01, 2010

Tales of a bitter man...

Yeah, that's right. I'm going there tonight. To quote the esteemed Terrell Owens, "Get your popcorn ready, it's gonna be a show."

So as I was absent the entire month of February (it's just so short, but thank God because Spring is coming), I may as well go ahead and dive all the way in, or in March parlance, come in like a Lion. This is my betrayal of a previous stance saying that I wouldn't blog about certain subjects anymore, but whatever. Enough is enough.

The talk of the black internet world - and in some cases, beyond - is a new book by Jimi Izrael called "The Denzel Principle." While honestly not a fan of Mr. Izrael's, I certainly have a level of empathy for him as he is being lambasted all over the internet as a bitter woman-hating clown for even writing this book, which I haven't read yet and might not (balling on a budget as it stands).

I empathize with Mr. Izrael because I am one of the bitter ones. Yep, full disclosure right now. I've dealt with more disrespectful, cruel, disingenious, bad-intentioned, mean-spirited tripe from women than this here box will allow me to talk about in full. As I've said before, I don't think of myself a special character because I have a degree/career-focused gig/never been in trouble with the law, but I'm tired of being disrespected by women because I don't fit the description of the dude who soaks their panties.

While Mr. Izrael's focus is clearly on black women, I'm not one of to just say that this is a black problem. I'll use one of my recent mishaps as an example.

On a free dating website, I got this really random fawning message from a 24-year old white woman, saying that I was cute, let's talk, looking for someone to see down here, XYZ. Now, normally white women do not do it for me. In spite of all I've dealt with, I remain pretty much pro-black love (although this blog entry might suggest otherwise), but I decided "why not?"

After a few weeks of chatting, I pretty much realize through clues that she's looking for a sucker. Clue 1) she's still banging her ex. Clue 2) using depression and me allegedly making her cry cards when I say I'm not interested in being someone's girlfriend with a penis. Clue 3) An e-mail that accuses me of being selfish.

So no, I'm not saying that only Black women are capable of manipulation and b.s. - I'm saying ALL women are. Equal Opportunity Users.

So yes, I am bitter, because I get treated so poorly for being nothing but myself. In case you can't tell by the picture in the upper right hand corner, I'm not 6'3, 180 pounds, lightskinned, my voice isn't Barry White-esque and I don't have any unique hairstyles to speak of. If anything, that pic is a bad hair day because I usually get my scalp cut super close to the skin.

So with that in mind, women look at me as some sort of hapless moron, too glad to be close enough to a woman without her laughing at me that I'll accept anything handed to me. Then when I turn out to be a man with common sense, and - like most men - a basic desire to not be emasculated by false friendships, I become everything but a child of God and a misogynist who needs counseling. Which is funny because last time I checked I'm a lot smarter than any of these women who try to run the most elementary game on me. I might be a lot of things, but out of my mind is certainly not one of them.

And here's why I write this post with a heightened level of fear and uneasiness in my heart, even though I shouldn't have to feel that way - I know this is going to offend women who I am friends with. Many of the women who haven't infuriated me or tried to play me for a fool and I have had numerous conversations about my quandry, without much of a resolution, to no fault of theirs. It's not unsual for me to have a pretty good conversation with one of them in the day and by nightfall have some woman tell me she's not interested in sex even though she clearly has wall postings and pictures that suggest otherwise.

My friends will be mad because they are, of course women. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "so that's what you think of me?"

"No," I respond defensively.

"Then all women aren't the same."

Maybe not, but there comes a time in every man's life (especially this man, who is watching his peers and childhood friends tie the knot and raise families at a lightning quick pace) where he gets tired of being nothing to no one.

And what makes it worse is I signed up for the new wave honesty box Formspring (http://formspring.me/CJStarchild) and had an anonymous question that a woman friend posed to me that I'm intelligent, funny and a good friend, but a relationship with me would be difficult.

It wouldn't be difficult if I knew someone liked me. It wouldn't be difficult if somebody cared. It wouldn't be difficult if someone accepted me for who I am instead of belittling me for what I'm not. But of course, it was anonymous, so I'll never know who allegedly liked me until they were turned off by my attitude toward women. Wouldn't you be mad if EVERYONE of the gender of your attraction treated you like absolute garbage? Ghandi said turn the other cheek, but both have been slapped senseless.

Oh well, maybe I've alienated some people with this post, but it was something that needed to be said. I don't agree with Jimi Izrael or his book, but I understand where he's coming from. I'll never judge someone else's journey because God knows mine has been a rough one. Anyone looking down at me should try it some time.

7 Comments:

  • At 11:07 AM, Blogger Tia's Blog Space said…

    Chris, I empathize with you in your plight to find that one true love, and I know that you've had some no so pleasant experiences, but you can't rule out that you will be lonely for a long time. Most men treat women badly, whether it was on their own account or they were to blind to see him for who he was, but it never stops women from weeding out the frogs to find their prince. Maybe they women you're attracted to are phony, and you just don't realize it at first. Maybe the high-maintenance women are what you're atrracted to, instead of that quiet, sweet girl who may not be as atrractive as you would like her to be, but she has a heart of gold, and will love, respect and treat you like a king. I've expressed many times to you to come off more confident, and put your foot down, and don't allow them to walk all over you. I'm here if you

     
  • At 9:11 PM, Anonymous Tara said…

    Okay, so I've read your blog post (a couple of times) and I guess I have a few questions.

    *Where are you meeting most of these women?
    *What do all these women have in common (besides their treatment of you)?

    Do you unknowingly give off signals that you've been hurt before? Low self-esteem?

    I think you carry around this baggage that all women are evil and if you give your heart, you will be hurt, because that is your past experience. But your past experience doesn't have to be your present or future experience.

    Perhaps you can try to meet some more professional women. How old are these chicks? Maybe you need to go older. Or more mature. Change your type. Don't just go with any chick that looks at you. Men need to demand better, just like women do.

    But first, you need to believe that you will find someone who love you for you and not use you like other women have.

    Put all these "mean girls" behind you and move forward. F$%@ them. You deserve better.

     
  • At 9:44 PM, Anonymous justjanxy said…

    I'm sorry your dating experiences haven't been good.....I think you should be happy that you have a lot to offer a female and should continue to wait for the right one to come along. Eventually she will. They say you always find something when you're not looking for it. Good luck.

     
  • At 8:02 PM, Blogger Mizrepresent said…

    I think you already know my take on this subject. I am will reiterate those feelings time and time again. Just hold on. You are not meeting the right one yet bc you may not be ready for it. Hell, i'm going thru the same thing, really, (as i've told you before). Even if it is what we want, it won't happen until the time is right, and nobody can tell you when that is...

     
  • At 8:03 PM, Blogger Mizrepresent said…

    I think you already know my take on this subject. I am will reiterate those feelings time and time again. Just hold on. You are not meeting the right one yet bc you may not be ready for it. Hell, i'm going thru the same thing, really, (as i've told you before). Even if it is what we want, it won't happen until the time is right, and nobody can tell you when that is...remember your worth!

     
  • At 4:42 PM, OpenID mrstdj said…

    I agree with most of the comments so far. Don't give up and try not to lump all (or even most) women in the same category. There are tons of great ones out there. I would have a convo with yourself to see if you are really and truly ready for a committed relationship. If the answer is yes, then hold on and you will find her in time.

     
  • At 2:04 PM, Blogger Vee said…

    Just like with MzRepresent, you already know what I've said time and time again.

    You know that there are people who care and love you but I can understand (really I really can) how you feel because I've been there.

    I'm not even going to address the "ALL women are this or that" comment because I don't really believe that you believe that.

    It all may sound like BS when you're in that moment and you hear someone say "when the time is right..it'll happen"
    but it's so damn true...eveyrthing always aligns SO perfectly ...it'll be undeniable that you've found what you've been WAITING for all this time. You've got to be open and you've got to be patient and in the meantime focus on Chris!

     

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