Papa was a rolling stone...
It's been I guess three weeks now since I got a friend request and accompanying message from someone who I knew of my entire life but never spoke to once.
My younger sister had warned me that this was coming, but I still have yet to respond or figure out how to deal with the chaotic emotional state this put me in.
It was so matter of fact, so casual, like nothing ever happened - which is true, but in a different sense. Yet I still wasn't prepared.
"Hi, I'm your sister, how are you? I'd like to meet you or talk to you sometime."
That sentence has left me frazzled ever since. My dad's lone child with his wife, a woman in her early to mid 30s, contacted me and my younger sis wanting to touch base. It's pushed me into a state of discomfort that I do not like at all.
The details of how this all came to be might be better served for the memoirs or something, but I know that this has left me feeling really awkward.
I feel super guilty that I have yet to respond, but part of me is annoyed, like "why now?" I guess I'm just so used to my immediate family being what it is that in spite of knowing what my dad was about and what he was doing, I just was never that pressed about it. Now the reality of it all is knocking at my door and like Jehovah's Witnesses (no offense to those that practice that faith), I just ignore it. But how can I? My younger sis and older sis (adopted, BTW) are trying to convince me to respond (younger sis and dad's daughter have already met), but what can I say?
I've always been a detached person - I isolate myself better than anybody else. People back home rarely know what's going on in my life or how I'm doing or if I'm even alive. So the prospect of having to confront these issues is really messing with my head and my heart and I just don't know what the hell to do. Maybe this woman IS just trying to make amends for it all (to be fair, her mother - his wife - pretty much ignored us and forced my dad to do the same, hence the non-existent relationship). Part of me isn't sure - I've already joked that if she thinks we've got paper, she's sadly mistaken.
God only knows. Maybe one day I'll respond and face this head on. Or maybe I'll continue to let it sit there and wonder to myself how I've become so detached from flesh and blood in the first place.
My younger sister had warned me that this was coming, but I still have yet to respond or figure out how to deal with the chaotic emotional state this put me in.
It was so matter of fact, so casual, like nothing ever happened - which is true, but in a different sense. Yet I still wasn't prepared.
"Hi, I'm your sister, how are you? I'd like to meet you or talk to you sometime."
That sentence has left me frazzled ever since. My dad's lone child with his wife, a woman in her early to mid 30s, contacted me and my younger sis wanting to touch base. It's pushed me into a state of discomfort that I do not like at all.
The details of how this all came to be might be better served for the memoirs or something, but I know that this has left me feeling really awkward.
I feel super guilty that I have yet to respond, but part of me is annoyed, like "why now?" I guess I'm just so used to my immediate family being what it is that in spite of knowing what my dad was about and what he was doing, I just was never that pressed about it. Now the reality of it all is knocking at my door and like Jehovah's Witnesses (no offense to those that practice that faith), I just ignore it. But how can I? My younger sis and older sis (adopted, BTW) are trying to convince me to respond (younger sis and dad's daughter have already met), but what can I say?
I've always been a detached person - I isolate myself better than anybody else. People back home rarely know what's going on in my life or how I'm doing or if I'm even alive. So the prospect of having to confront these issues is really messing with my head and my heart and I just don't know what the hell to do. Maybe this woman IS just trying to make amends for it all (to be fair, her mother - his wife - pretty much ignored us and forced my dad to do the same, hence the non-existent relationship). Part of me isn't sure - I've already joked that if she thinks we've got paper, she's sadly mistaken.
God only knows. Maybe one day I'll respond and face this head on. Or maybe I'll continue to let it sit there and wonder to myself how I've become so detached from flesh and blood in the first place.
posted by Chris @ 6:29 PM
2 Comments:
At 9:03 AM,
Veronica said…
you ask "Why now?" but why NOT now?
Suppose it took alot for this "other" sister to say something. You ever think about how she might feel? She's probably uncomfortable with it too but SOMEONE has to be the one to reach out...family is family whether your choose to acknowledge it or not.
What harm could it do when the damage has already been done (by your father). It's never the child's fault...it's none of yall's fault. You might end up becoming really close. Do it before it's too late (as in someone passes away or something):-)
At 7:23 AM,
Ezra said…
It can't really have success, I feel so.
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