The last year of imagined youth...
Saturday marked the beginning of my 29th year of life. I actually did something different than sitting at home alone or at work. I went to D.C. with a girl I'd been talking to on O.K. Cupid. She took me to this bookstore/restuarant place in a "different" neighborhood, and while I was concerned about the surroundings (less than black and less than straight), I enjoyed the company and had a nice time out that I would've been scared to attempt as recently as...Friday morning. Not sure if sparks are flying, but to have something resembling a date was something like successful for me, and I can't (and won't complain). Highlight of the weekend was all the birthday wishes and a surprise phone call from a very special lady that really made my night.
It's all a part of learning growing as approach the final year of my 20s with hope for a good year before I join the 30-something club this time in 2011, Lord willing. 30 is really not old, but quite frankly, it isn't young either. I can't imagine doing the same things I do in my 20s and did in my teens when I hit that number. Yet I still have so much freedom because unlike most of my peers, I have no responsbilities (no shade to the married and those who are parents, by the way). I always felt like if I wasn't married and a father by now, my life would suck. Looking at it now, thank God I'm not. I'm honestly in no position to be anybody's father right now, not that I'd be a bad parent, but a broke one. And you know how that goes.
I still hope for greener pastures than the badlands of Redneck Maryland, but I know it's going to take an ethereal combination of hard work and some luck to do it. That can be sobering and disappointing at times, but I keep hoping and praying for a change - a change that happens soon.
I also realize I have to confront some things head on if I'm ever going to move on. I still haven't responded to my dad's daughter's message and I'm thinking I need to do it. I have to start closing chapters and start writing new ones.
That also includes my issues with women, and Saturday's quasi date showed me I'm not beyond repair as I thought. It just takes some more living, some more getting comfortable with who I am and WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more trying to see that women are different.
My gym habit has been very fruitful as I've lost a good 20 pounds as of September 1, so I'm definitly on the right track with that.
All-in-all, life is a learning experience that you can only learn from by living. So hopefully I can back up my talk and start living - one day at a time of course.
It's all a part of learning growing as approach the final year of my 20s with hope for a good year before I join the 30-something club this time in 2011, Lord willing. 30 is really not old, but quite frankly, it isn't young either. I can't imagine doing the same things I do in my 20s and did in my teens when I hit that number. Yet I still have so much freedom because unlike most of my peers, I have no responsbilities (no shade to the married and those who are parents, by the way). I always felt like if I wasn't married and a father by now, my life would suck. Looking at it now, thank God I'm not. I'm honestly in no position to be anybody's father right now, not that I'd be a bad parent, but a broke one. And you know how that goes.
I still hope for greener pastures than the badlands of Redneck Maryland, but I know it's going to take an ethereal combination of hard work and some luck to do it. That can be sobering and disappointing at times, but I keep hoping and praying for a change - a change that happens soon.
I also realize I have to confront some things head on if I'm ever going to move on. I still haven't responded to my dad's daughter's message and I'm thinking I need to do it. I have to start closing chapters and start writing new ones.
That also includes my issues with women, and Saturday's quasi date showed me I'm not beyond repair as I thought. It just takes some more living, some more getting comfortable with who I am and WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more trying to see that women are different.
My gym habit has been very fruitful as I've lost a good 20 pounds as of September 1, so I'm definitly on the right track with that.
All-in-all, life is a learning experience that you can only learn from by living. So hopefully I can back up my talk and start living - one day at a time of course.
posted by Chris @ 6:58 PM
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