Saturday Morning Random

I really wish I had a theme to my blogposts these days, but true to my life's form, really no set theme, so I'll just hit y'all off with the random until I have a theme.

Ms. Wright will be happy to know I have made contact with my father's daughter and so much is coming to light about our situations thanks to my mom, it's almost scary. I'm planning to have a full-scale chat with her soon.

Thanksgiving was great and when they say you're supposed to sweat out everything at the gym, they aren't lying. When I went to work-out the day after grubbing, I literally sweated everywhere. Kinda TMI, kinda gross, but it had to be done. I'm really not checking too much for the scale anymore which helps my confidence a lot. I'm basing it on how I feel(great, more energized) and how my clothes fit (looooooooooooose), so it's a work in progress and a working progress, so I can't complain too much.

I need a newer car, but can't afford one. Sucks, but what can you do?

Christmas time is nearing and I started playing Christmas music already and haven't got tired of yet, I love it. I'll probably have my 20 greatest Christmas songs up on my professional site by Wednesday, so y'all can check that out and tell me what you think

I've got to work so many weekends coming up it's ridiculous, but I'll be happy when Christmas/New Years week comes along which means I'll be able to slow down and really enjoy the season.

And that's pretty much it. Hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving.

5 Songs Post

Stopped by Miz's blog and saw her post about 5 songs that have an affect on you in some way. Hopefully my five make some sense as they are similar in genre, but all over the place in the meaning. Note: For the record, at least 200 songs run through my mind on a daily basis, so this could be how I feel while writing this. That could change by the time I get in the shower and get ready for work in a few.

"Erotic City," Prince

"All of my hang-ups are gone...how I wish you felt the same." Prince stayed pushing the envelope before I guess you could call it settling down. That lyric I just quoted explains how I hope to feel some day. Hang-ups about myself, my goals in life, I'd like to get rid of them all at some point in the near future. Not to mention "we can funk until the dawn, makin love til cherry's gone" - who wouldn't love to do that?

"It's the way Nature planned it," The Four Tops

One of my favorite lazy day/night songs. The song itself is about how Nature being the reason for any multitude of things being the way they are, including love. Nature of course alludes to God or Nature and God being one in the same. Perfect song when things can beyond human understanding and comprehension, as a lot of things are these days.

"I gotta stay," Big K.R.I.T.

This cat is the next up from the South, REALLY dope rapper who doesn't spit about guns and drugs and does his own beats. Impressive. "I gotta stay" is about a relative who passed away. Closing in on my grandmother's birthday (she would've been 89 years old 12/11) I've played this song a lot and thought about her a lot. I don't want to say life was perfect when she was around, but she always gave me that extra push, and she's been gone four years now and I have to admit, my hustle game isn't as tight as it was when she was here. And I used to love her stories about our family. I wish I had listened more.

"Adventures in paradise," Minnie Riperton

If I ever had a radio show, this would be the intro song. Love the guitar, love the drums, Minnie's voice of course and the lyrics are a sure-fire way to get the pep in your step:

I believe any dream that I want to
That ain't the only way of keeping hope alive
And if by chance I give birth to my visions
Life is so fantastic it will come as no surprise
'cause everyday is adventures in paradise
Woven well through the fabrics of time

"The Song Is Familiar," Funkadelic

Three minute synopsis of my life. Music gets me through the daily hassles, pressures and struggles and makes it all bearable as long as I have a song in my head or heart.

The Struggle Continues...

You ever felt totally down about it all, no matter what could possibly be going right in your life? I'm definitely going through one of those stretches where I find myself feeling sad, depressed, lonely, annoyed, pissed off and irritated. Those feelings rotate amongst each other and happy seems to be on the outside looking in, or locked away in a cage, whichever you prefer.

I guess maybe I just haven't really solved a lot of problems and situations that make me feel the way I do and that's probably why these feelings hit me all at once. I just don't know. Yesterday I was driving home from the office and all of a sudden, this feeling of sadness just hit me and I was down for a while until I had to go to my evening appointment - or at least I did my best to not show what I was feeling. It was so weird and so scary, I just couldn't figure out why.

I'm really worried about this because I really shouldn't be this upset. I'm losing weight (I'm about 20-25 pounds away from one of my main goals), I still enjoy fooling around with my laptop (one toy that'll probably never get old) and I'm still employed and still able to maintain my bills and live on my own. Those are things people would kill to be excited about and have going for them. For me, it's nice, but it still doesn't take away the feelings of being absolutely lame and not of any real value to anybody else.

It probably doesn't help that I have no friends or anyone to talk to where I live and most of my friends and family are almost 200 miles to the north of me. Or I could just do a better job of keeping in contact. Yet and still, I don't know if anybody really wants to hear my problems and frustrations. Maybe that's what this here blog is for.

I'll keep fighting though. Keep working hard at losing this weight, keep doing things that I like to do and hopefully things will change. Because I really don't like feeling as bad as I do.