Ten Interesting Things for Tuesday Afternoon Thoughts

I'm honestly thinking about hitting the reset button on this career thing. I'm not necessarily happy here, but I do cherish my solo living and general overall freedom. If I was head back to mom's it would HAVE to be temporary or I'd go crazy, or even worse, find a roommate *shudders* What's the point of being unhappy and being somewhere you don't want to be long term? Somebody let me know.

If you haven't added me on facebook yet, here's your chance.... knock yourselves out.

I'm up to 600 sit-ups a day now, and hopefully at the end of this week, I'll be back out on the track in the mornings. The spring and summer is usually when I kick it into high gear, and now that I've survived winter, LOSING weight instead of gaining it, sky's the limit. I'm ready to roll.

I was all set for a full afternoon of relaxation before my assignment tonight...until I realized I left my cell phone at the office. DAMN! Gotta go back...probably will soon as I finish this post.

I get the feeling that women hold some secret meeting at least once a month, figuring out ways how to keep me down and dog me out. I'm quite sure of it actually, short of getting my hands on a meeting docket.

Also, women only want to "get to know" men who they have no physical interest in. It pays to be 6-foot-something, 180 pounds, lightskinned with some kinda lock or braid action. Then you can just smash the homie til your heart's content, without jumping through hoops of fire to get to that point.

I've had my car for just about 20 months, and aside from replacing the axle back in February, everything's good on it *knock on wood* Just have to keep the fluids and oil changes coming.

I love video blogging...sadly I forgot about one video on my camera that will never see the light of day. Matter of fact *grabs camera, deletes it*...I MAY wanna run for office someday, you never know.

I really am going to take next weekend and just cook like I ain't got anything else to do. Better front-load and back-load my work schedule now.

Shout out to my buddy Whit, who STAY late on commenting on my stuff, but she always has a good one, so it's all good. PS, I put the hit counter up for a reason. I see y'all lurking out there America. Leave some comments, please, LOL

I'm Video Blogging...

Tell me what you guys think after you watch this.

My Way

I really get nervous when I post about my deepest thoughts and feelings, not because I feel weird in expressing them, but I'm always wary of offending someone who may stumble across this blog. Yet as I've done in the past in will continue to do, I'll always be honest and truthful about what I'm thinking and/or feeling.

I'm five months and three weeks away from turning 28, which means this quarter-life crisis thing is hopefully at its zenith and will be calming down in the near future. The quarter-life crisis, as a lot of us well know, deals with thoughts of the future - what are we doing professionally, personally, will we have time to reach our goals, and if we don't, well...what becomes of us spiritually?

Those type of things weight heavily on my mind, and every time I end up talking to my grandmother in my dreams (which happens often), I feel like there is something after this life...but I'm not certain. It scares me to no end, but as long as I wake up in the morning, I guess I feel alright. That said, I've found that in my loner-like nature, I can only depend on me for my happiness. I really haven't stressed much about women in weeks, nor have I felt really bad about myself.

The 500 sit-ups I complete daily, along with other little spurts of joy and laughter have made me understand that I really need to be in tune with Chris before I can go out in the world and seek comfort and caring in the arms of a woman. I still get lonely and fearful living by myself, but I just have learned to trust God and whatever happens as far as my physical and spiritual life, I have to accept that.

That bit of peace has allowed me to be myself a bit more freely, not much, but just enough to where I can stand to look at myself in the mirror sometimes. Of course I still have moments where I wish I was over 6 feet tall, a few shades lighter and muscular (or skinny), but those moments don't come as often as they used to. That's part of the healing process, to know that you CAN'T be somebody else, you can only be who you are. I still think it's easier being what women view as acceptable physically, but, in I guess a spiteful sort of way, I've learned that women who can't accept me for who I am are women that I really can't worry about. You would think with all the women who've shot me down having problems with their choices of men is a source of pride and revenge for me. Some days it is, other days it's "come on Chris, grow up."

I still find myself with the hair trigger as far as distancing myself from people, mainly because while my sense of self is improving, my short patience is not. I really find it disingenuous to be friends with people who really aren't friends. It seems like more or less in my case, those "friends" women who don't want anything to do with me beyond conversation when they're bored. I guess I could take the blame for not being exciting enough for them to want anything more than time-passing conversation, but I can also take the initiative to just not be bothered and force them to leave me alone or at least ask me why (the latter usually happens).

I really find myself fighting with my bristling attitude whenever the question is posed - "Do I really want to say 'no one gives a damn about your relationship with Mr. Wonderful' or whatever?" "Why call her a superficial and shallow slut? It's only going to make the situation worse." "You know you don't want to hear about her sex life, so why even entertain it?" It's a mess. But a mess I'm working on fixing.

I guess this Friday night ramble is just my way of thinking out loud so all who read this blog can understand that I am working to improve myself, and I still have some areas to work on. But I'm beginning to be fine with who I am, and that's what really matters.