Just Cruisin' Along...

Let me set the mood for this particular entry:



Are you relaxing now? Good, because I am too, and I want to share some things I'm learning as my 20s wind down. It seems that in the first three and a half weeks of this new decade, I've become strangely jaded about a lot of things. About my struggles with women, about the stress of dealing with certain folks at the gig, about whether I'll finally lose enough weight to become desirable to said women.

I wonder often what triggered this shift, but I can only attribute it to getting over that quarter-life crisis hump. The one that goes from about 23 to I guess here at 28, when you start worrying about what happens if you die early, if you'll ever get to do what you want, if you'll ever reach goals, things of that nature. Now it seems like an inner-peace just jumped in my body and said "HEY! Get used to me son, I ain't goin' anywhere right now." I find myself stressing less about things that are really beyond my control and I find myself caring less about people and situations that really have never cared about me. And you know what? I LOVE it.

I had a thought Thursday when I was dealing with some foolishness (the last of such I'll take from women) and I realized that it is indeed a long road to transformation and getting over things that have hurt you and troubled you, and it won't be without bumps. But as long as you stay on the road with a conscious effort to keep moving forward, you'll be in good shape.

And it also helps to have a good mellow-out song to help aid the detoxing of stress, which would be the song above. When I hear Smokey gliding over this track, I'm in a really good place. Like he says in the bridge, "Let the music take your mind." So when I hear this song, I'm in my relaxed, peaceful, and most importantly, HAPPY zone and during that 5 minute and 51 second span that this song plays, I can't be stressed. It's a sonic force field from stress and negativity, no doubt.

So hopefully this will signal a shift in not only my attitude and way of life, but hopefully blog posts as well as I won't be as down and out as most of my post seems. You're all welcome to hop in as I cruise into my 30s :)

I hate it when that happens

I'm definitely a person that has a HARD time admitting that he's wrong. And by the time I come to grips with it, the situation - and the person with it - are usually long in the rear view mirror.

Case in point, my last semi-serious situation with a woman. We'll call her SC for the initials of her home state. 

SC and I met through my usual way of meeting women, had a disagreement not long into conversation and I thought that was the end of that. Instead, a few days later, she invited me to walk around her neighborhood, and we did. I felt stupid for arguing with her and kinda shied away after that. Two weeks later I hit her up just to say hello and she asked me what I was doing that night? I said nothing, so she said to come get her and we could watch a movie at my place. We watched "The Wood" and she got real comfortable. Feeling a sense of go for it, one thing led to another and before long after the movie, we went there. 

The same thing happened the following week, and during this time we were also walking partners. Then she began complaining about me never wanting to go anywhere that I never spend money, and then the big and final blow-up occurred. Would you believe this all happened in about a month's time? Either way, it's been four months since we last spoke and today while I was riding to work, the entire scenario came back to me and all I could do was shake my head.

I complain about not having anyone to spend time with. She spent two weekends to me. I'm always turned on at the thought of a woman relaxing around me. She watched movies and cleaned my apartment in a t-shirt and socks. And I let the fact that I don't like spending money or going out keep from the coveted friends with benefits or maybe even more. 

I thought about it, and I laughed. Not some huge, ROFTLMAO-type deal, but a sincere chuckle like "Yep, I get in my own way, don't I?" Thinking about that situation makes me think about other chances I've had and clearly have ruined them with my own thoughts of "other guys don't have to go through this" along with excuses about my budget and other things. 

So yep, definitely hating when I realize I'm wrong, because it's usually way too late to fix a situation. Why doesn't this thing kick in earlier? Oh well. I'm glad to know it works at least.