So much on the mind

I have beef. Which isn't unusual if you've been reading this here blog, but there's so much to beef about it's like "why limit myself?" I'm going to hit as many subjects as I can before I go sit-up crazy and head to my work assignment tonight.

Beef #1. Why aren't you guys following me on Twitter? Oh. You didn't know I had one? Let's fix that - @CJStarchild. There we go, follow me and I shall follow you.

Beef #2. Homophobia. Now I'm as straight as an arrow (even when women irk my life), so one could say gay rights really ain't my fight. However, I empathize with gays and lesbians because it's hard to find someone you love and want to be with, especially if you're same-gender loving. Not because it's hard to find people, but because the Bible-thumping dregs of society won't let them be. Case in point, a Mississippi school district decided to shut down a high school prom before letting a lesbian couple attend. If you disagree with homosexuality, then that's fine - to each his own. But to deny every kid the right to attend a prom because a lesbian couple would make your fuddy-duddy ass feel uncomfortable is ABSURD. It's about the kids. Let them have their fun, let them enjoy their prom and mind your own business.

Beef #3. People who throw their relationships in your face. Subtly or just all out "ha ha, I'm with somebody." Fuck you. No seriously. It's amazing how people will flaunt their newfound loves with that new car smell on it, then when it starts to break down it's "love sucks, people ain't shit, blah blah blah." How about you worry about maintaining your lovey dovey relationship instead of playing show and tell with it? Okay, I'm done :)

Beef #4. Maryland Drivers. Y'all horrible. I'm from Delaware where it ain't but two ways to get somewhere - up and down. Y'all take advantage of the foolywang that is the Baltimore and Capital Beltways and make life miserable for those of us who haven't figured out the Mixing Bowl while you're on your cell phone talking/eating food/manually stimulating each other (to that couple on 97 South last Thursday night - yep. I saw you.). Know your role and drive or just get off the road.

Beef #5. Giving up fast food for lent. Three weeks in and I want to cry every time I ride past Chick-Fil-a/Burger King/McDs/Popeye's, but I made a promise to myself - to wean myself off of blowing money on fast food, and so far it's working. And it's keeping money in my pocket that can go towards a new computer, hopefully a laptop. So I guess this isn't really beef, except for the fact I SO need a Chicken sandwich right now.

If you've got a beef or want to comment on mine, you know what to do. TGIF :)

Tales of a bitter man...

Yeah, that's right. I'm going there tonight. To quote the esteemed Terrell Owens, "Get your popcorn ready, it's gonna be a show."

So as I was absent the entire month of February (it's just so short, but thank God because Spring is coming), I may as well go ahead and dive all the way in, or in March parlance, come in like a Lion. This is my betrayal of a previous stance saying that I wouldn't blog about certain subjects anymore, but whatever. Enough is enough.

The talk of the black internet world - and in some cases, beyond - is a new book by Jimi Izrael called "The Denzel Principle." While honestly not a fan of Mr. Izrael's, I certainly have a level of empathy for him as he is being lambasted all over the internet as a bitter woman-hating clown for even writing this book, which I haven't read yet and might not (balling on a budget as it stands).

I empathize with Mr. Izrael because I am one of the bitter ones. Yep, full disclosure right now. I've dealt with more disrespectful, cruel, disingenious, bad-intentioned, mean-spirited tripe from women than this here box will allow me to talk about in full. As I've said before, I don't think of myself a special character because I have a degree/career-focused gig/never been in trouble with the law, but I'm tired of being disrespected by women because I don't fit the description of the dude who soaks their panties.

While Mr. Izrael's focus is clearly on black women, I'm not one of to just say that this is a black problem. I'll use one of my recent mishaps as an example.

On a free dating website, I got this really random fawning message from a 24-year old white woman, saying that I was cute, let's talk, looking for someone to see down here, XYZ. Now, normally white women do not do it for me. In spite of all I've dealt with, I remain pretty much pro-black love (although this blog entry might suggest otherwise), but I decided "why not?"

After a few weeks of chatting, I pretty much realize through clues that she's looking for a sucker. Clue 1) she's still banging her ex. Clue 2) using depression and me allegedly making her cry cards when I say I'm not interested in being someone's girlfriend with a penis. Clue 3) An e-mail that accuses me of being selfish.

So no, I'm not saying that only Black women are capable of manipulation and b.s. - I'm saying ALL women are. Equal Opportunity Users.

So yes, I am bitter, because I get treated so poorly for being nothing but myself. In case you can't tell by the picture in the upper right hand corner, I'm not 6'3, 180 pounds, lightskinned, my voice isn't Barry White-esque and I don't have any unique hairstyles to speak of. If anything, that pic is a bad hair day because I usually get my scalp cut super close to the skin.

So with that in mind, women look at me as some sort of hapless moron, too glad to be close enough to a woman without her laughing at me that I'll accept anything handed to me. Then when I turn out to be a man with common sense, and - like most men - a basic desire to not be emasculated by false friendships, I become everything but a child of God and a misogynist who needs counseling. Which is funny because last time I checked I'm a lot smarter than any of these women who try to run the most elementary game on me. I might be a lot of things, but out of my mind is certainly not one of them.

And here's why I write this post with a heightened level of fear and uneasiness in my heart, even though I shouldn't have to feel that way - I know this is going to offend women who I am friends with. Many of the women who haven't infuriated me or tried to play me for a fool and I have had numerous conversations about my quandry, without much of a resolution, to no fault of theirs. It's not unsual for me to have a pretty good conversation with one of them in the day and by nightfall have some woman tell me she's not interested in sex even though she clearly has wall postings and pictures that suggest otherwise.

My friends will be mad because they are, of course women. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "so that's what you think of me?"

"No," I respond defensively.

"Then all women aren't the same."

Maybe not, but there comes a time in every man's life (especially this man, who is watching his peers and childhood friends tie the knot and raise families at a lightning quick pace) where he gets tired of being nothing to no one.

And what makes it worse is I signed up for the new wave honesty box Formspring (http://formspring.me/CJStarchild) and had an anonymous question that a woman friend posed to me that I'm intelligent, funny and a good friend, but a relationship with me would be difficult.

It wouldn't be difficult if I knew someone liked me. It wouldn't be difficult if somebody cared. It wouldn't be difficult if someone accepted me for who I am instead of belittling me for what I'm not. But of course, it was anonymous, so I'll never know who allegedly liked me until they were turned off by my attitude toward women. Wouldn't you be mad if EVERYONE of the gender of your attraction treated you like absolute garbage? Ghandi said turn the other cheek, but both have been slapped senseless.

Oh well, maybe I've alienated some people with this post, but it was something that needed to be said. I don't agree with Jimi Izrael or his book, but I understand where he's coming from. I'll never judge someone else's journey because God knows mine has been a rough one. Anyone looking down at me should try it some time.