This...is...a state of emergency...

Be warned. A post of dangerous proportions is coming. I just haven't had time to get to it. But if and when I do...y'all might not like me after this, lol. Consider this your warning.

When you look at my life, you see what I see

I rarely have an awakening that is brought on by Delaware State University students, but this afternoon in Dr. Young's English Lit II class, I saw human beings for probably the first time on campus. As her normal semester-opening custom, Dr. Young has her students bring in something near and dear to them that has meaning to them and why it has that meaning to them.

I of course, got the bright idea to drape myself in at least 15 media passes that I've accumulated over the last four and a half years and explain why each has a story behind them, especially the ones pertaining to the Detroit Classic, the MEAC championship in '05 and a comical experience with Maryland State Troopers in December of that same year. I explained that now that I'm a journalistic free agent of sorts, I've had time to reflect on the past and how I've been blessed to be everywhere from Detroit, Michigan to Charlotte, North Carolina. I ended by saying that this was just the beginning, which I hope it is.

Then my classmates got up. One by one, they shared personal stories about close relatives that were no longer with them, their motivations, things that made them happy and things that made them cry. As I sat and listened to one girl sing a song about her ex and share a poem about her incarcerated brother, another cat speak on how gospel music gives him strength to keep going, and another girl break down when talking about her great grandmother who she loved so much, I was faced with a reality that I just didn't have the common sense or the humility to accept; these folks have human tendencies also. I thought I was the only one who hurt, had gone through things, but apparently I don't have the market corner on hard times.

I never thought for a second that I wasn't an enemy or a joke to everyone around here. Most of the time, they're too busy dealing with their own issues to clown me. Don't get my wrong, there are a fair share of ignorant ass people on this campus.

I'm just humbled to know that it's not 100% of them like originally thought.

I'm Slippin', Fallin', I can't get up...

It only took six weeks for me to break camp. After a heated argument with a hook-up gone awry, I'm back to feeling like the entire female gender is a superficial and shallow cesspool of immaturity, evil, trifling and irritation. It's frustrating to think that you've turned the corner as far as a bad habit goes, only to discover it's much harder to kick than you ever anticipated. Like cigs, alcohol and any other crippling habit, it takes a lot of effort to break the habit, and I'm really wondering if it's worth it.

To give a little background on said story, I was supposed to hook-up with this chick a month ago, and she never showed that night. Didn't call, didn't explain herself. So when she got ahold of me via e-mail two days later, I let her have it. I mean words that haven't even been invented yet, words that you don't want ears under 18 to hear or read. So then not too long ago (Tuesday), she calls me, after swearing she lost my number that night and she was going to call and explain herself (whatever), she calls me to say that I'm a mean person. So I've been pissed off two times two many and again I air her out, and name calling ensues and that was pretty much the end of it.

So you're either thinking my sanity has jumped the shark or I was under the influence of a narcotic or some alcoholic beverage to talk to a woman that way. Nope. Sober, sane and out of patience and understanding. As I've preached in previous entries like this, I'm much more likely to appreciate honesty than the game playing and the lies. If you're not interested, have other plans, or are even repulsed at the idea of being involved with me, feel free to say so. At least I know where you stand instead of having to decipher through some foolishness to get to the real meaning.

It's almost like I'm fighting a losing battle. I want to believe that there are decent women out there, I even know a small number of them. Yet I continue to get screwed over by chicks who continue to make women as a whole look bad.

And make me wonder what's wrong with me.

2006 inventory

Stolen from Hizzle, so enjoy.

1. what did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
I flew for the first time, twice in a two week span. It turned out to be fun after all of my panic attacks.

2. did you keep your new year’s resolution? will you make more for next year?
I've made a dent in the weight loss, but I still need to improve the self confidence thing.

3. did someone close to you give birth?
Nope

4. did anyone close to you die?
Yeah.

5. what countries did you visit?
Baltimore...nobody can't tell me that place isn't a war zone (sorry, CNel)

6. what would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Happiness...and sex.

7. what date from 2006 will forever remain in your memory?
July 4th. That was the day I said goodbye to my grandmother.

8. what is your biggest achievement in 2006?
Surviving 2006 without slapping the shit out of anybody :)

9. what was your biggest failure?
I really didn't have any.

10. did you suffer illness or injury?
Nah, I'm made of strong stuff.

11. what’s the best thing you bought?
nothing of significance really, although a car might be on the agenda this year.

12. whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine. A lot of people have all their teeth and their feelings intact since I started walking 90 minutes a morning.

13. who’s behavior appalled/depressed you?
People leave me appalled and depressed daily, so it's hard to choose. I'll just say 90 percent of the members of the opposite sex.

14. where did most of your money go?
Unnecessary crap. That will be changing vedy vedy soon.

15. what did you get really excited about?
Going to Indianapolis, meeting my friends there, and losing 32 pounds.

16. what songs will always remind you of 2006?
As much as I hate to say it...B. "To the left, to the left," "You might be the block, but I'm the light that keeps the street on," "I BEEN THROUGH IT TOO LONG!" It was her year, no question.

17. compared with last year are you:
happier or sadder?
I've been called Eeyore and Debbie Downer before, but I feel a lot better so far this year.
thinner or fatter?
32 pounds lighter, YEAYAY!
richer or poorer?
poorer by far.

18. what do you wish you’d done more of?
Smiling, laughing, studying, focusing, exercising, writing.

19. what do you wish you’d done less of?
being pissed off at women.

20. how did you spend christmas?
At home in Wilmington.

21. did you fall in love in 2006?
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

22. how many one night stands?
not even close.

23. favorite tv program?
PTI and Around the Horn.

24. do you hate anyone new?
I hate new people on a daily basis.

25. best book you read?
17 years late to the party, but The Isis Papers by Dr. Frances Cress Welsing was interesting.

26. greatest musical discovery?
Eddie Hazel's and Michael Hampton's guitar tiffs and solos. P-Funk is a helluva drug.

27. what did you want and get?
the numbers on the scale heading in a downward direction.

28. what did you want and not get?
my old car fixed, a MEAC football championship (or men's and women's basketball for that matter) for DSU, peace and quiet.

29. favorite film of the year?
I don't go to the movies.

Should old acquaintance be forgot.....

That's the only part of Auld Lang Syne I know, so don't get too excited. Anyway, can you believe it's 200-freakin'-7? Goodness. I remember when this millenium started, and now the first decade is almost three quarters of the way done. Who knew? So 2006 was an up and down year that saw the passing of my grandmother (on July 4th of all days; talk about gaining your independence, she got it from this ridiculous world), saw me getting on a plane for the first time, going to Indianapolis and Detroit in a two week span, and meeting and making some new friends along the way. Not to mention two years ago on this very day, The Post Game Show was created. Boy, hard to believe it's been that long.

As the world of Chris turns, the scale is turning down, as I'm 32 pounds lighter now than I was at this time last year. It could've been much more had I focused while I spent two months of summer at home, but that's what 2007 is going to be about on all levels; focus. My obsession with graduating, getting a job and getting the hell out of Delaware is going to fuel me this year, hopefully to do great things. We shall see. My specific goals for 2007 are as follows (I refuse to call them resolutions, that's jinxing the hell out of yourself before you even begin):

Continue to lose weight. I've been very fortunate that being without a car has forced me to rediscover walking and taken away my affinity for fast food and snack treats, but the fact that I'm doing it for myself, just to see how I look in a different form, has been a blessing also. Hopefully 2007 will bring more of the same, ride or no ride.

Graduate and become gainfully employed somewhere outside of the Northeast. I absolutely hate this region and make no bones about it. The people in Delaware are carbon copies of Philly, Jersey, NY, DC and Baltimore, and it's so irritating. Not to mention I hate Philly people for the fact they think they're better, bigger, and badder than anyone else. That can be solved by taking care of business this spring. Something I'm sure that will happen.

Make a decision on how to treat people. You think this would be an easy decision anyone could make; be nice to everyone. Not where I'm concerned. I have a hard time deciphering whether folks can be trusted or not. I wasn't always the best judge of character, and it shows in the fact that I've been burned by folks often, so I'm faced with a crucial decision. Should I just leave people alone, or at least give them a chance? Hmmm...

Try not to put folks on blast as much. If anybody's friends with me on Facebook, chances are you've read my note from December 30th that pretty much ethered the entire campus of Delaware State University. I didn't say any names, but the characteristics of folks were so obvious, I'm surprised nobody wants to fight me yet. So for 2007, I'm going to try and be quiet about the bad I see in people, which is a lot. This might be the hardest goal of all. Especially when it comes to women. They deserve it.

Stop caring what people think and be happy with myself. Surprisingly, that hasn't been hard to do since I turned 25 a little over three months ago. I think something inside me clicked and said "you're a grown man. Unless these folks are going to pay back that 47 large in student loans you're gonna owe the feds, who are they?" Good question. Who are people with their own personal defects and shortcomings to come at my neck? That's why it's hard to be nice to people and not air them out. But as long as I'm happy with Chris, that's all that matters. And right now I'm pretty happy.