Friday Morning Thoughts

- The weight loss stuff is going fairly well, although I haven't stepped on a scale since early February. The trick is not to get caught up in numbers, but paying attention to how my clothes fit and my energy level is how I do it. Then when I see the number, I can be pleasantly surprised or aware that I have more work to do instead of letting it depress me.

- Thanks to Missouri for blowing up my bracket. Death to the Tigers!

- For someone who once was invited to a swinger's party (don't judge me), I haven't been thinking about sex nearly as much as I have before, and that concerns me. I guess I've been really on my hustle with this diet and exercise as well as work. Really, that's how it's supposed to be. But I miss being a horndog.

- RIP John Hope Franklin, a scholar and a gentleman, as well as one of the true black intellectuals of the post-Civil War era. I'm so glad you got to see Barack Obama become our president.

- Can you pay my bills, can you pay my telephone bills, can you pay my automo-bills? Being grown is not fun these days. I'm definitely thinking about scaling back my house phone or just cutting it off completely. Do I still need a phone line for DSL? I'm sure someone can answer this for me.

- I'm planning a slight escape in about three weeks. How do I plan to spend that Saturday, you ask? In Dover, Delaware watching the Red-White spring football game at DSU! I sure know how to party, right?

- I'm thinking of trying my hand at turkey meatloaf this weekend. It depends on whether I'm too lazy to get the stuff I need for it from BJ's.

- It's tough living in Maryland's neitherworld. You hear guys raving about these bad ass chicks in Montgomery, PG, Howard County and DC...and you're stuck in St. Mary's County with Roseanne Barr look-a-likes and the few black women like to play more games than Parker Brothers. Jesus be a new gig in a sizeable city with Negro population.

- Team Lil Rounds! I've watched maybe 15 minutes of American Idol, and the 24-year old married (lucky mofo her husband is) mother of three from Memphis Tenn-a-key is doing her thing. She's got the big voice to deliver the songs and the perfect name - She is Lil, but she got them ROUNDS behind her *rimshot* Thank you, thank you! You're a beautiful audience!

- I'm thinking about pursuing a book project that would mainly focus on something in my hometown, but I'm not sure if it'll come to fruition. I'll let you guys know if or when I make it happen.

- Last but not least *cue up the Donnie Simpson/Big Tigger sounder* ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT'S FRIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend and I leave you with a joint to get you going. I've been pop-locking and doing the robot all morning to this one...

An Interview With The Misunderstood...

Between a poor poor woman in Connecticut getting her face literally ripped off by a wild chimp and this picture, it seems that our mammalian and reptilian brothers and sisters have had enough of humans trying to domesticate them. Now instead of cute cuddly chimps, they are now dangerous beasts who should be shot at a moment's notice. Speaking as a black man, that's why you don't see any of us on those nature shows - WE KNOW BETTER. So yesterday afternoon, I had a chance to sit down with the Lioness in the linked photo. Her name is Meg and she has some interesting insights as to why animals are either cute and cuddly or dangerous and feared.

Chris: Hey Meg, first of all thanks for granting me the time to talk to you, I understand you want to get some things off your chest.

Meg: Oh no problem darling, and yes, I must, as I've seen you say in your works, "come clean" about a lot of things about us jungle-dwellers.

Chris: Alright, so let's get down to it. Pictures were made public late this week of you taking a swim with Kevin Richardson, the South African animal guru. The main picture caught you looking at the camera and you didn't seem to be smiling at all -

Meg: That's because, Chris, we don't smile. There was nothing funny about a sister trying to take an afternoon dip and being hugged on by some kooky guy who thinks he understands us. You see, I am a predator and a hunter of the highest order, the female version of a hustler if you will, and I really don't like cameras around when I'm trying to eat. So after Kevin left the water and took his flunkies with him, I on the other hand was still hungry. Not a good look.

Chris: I see. I'm sure you follow the news and you've seen primates going wild these last few weeks, Travis the movie chimp literally almost kills a woman and another monkey picks off his owner with one shot of a coconut high above in a tree. Why do you think humans try to make you guys who aren't house trained - and will never be house trained - cute and cuddly pets?

Meg: That last chimp had some great aim, didn't he? If that's any indication, the baseball players will want monkey DNA instead of steroids! *Chris and Meg laugh* But to answer your question, I believe humans look at us as their puppets because we are so damn sexy. I mean look at me - don't I strike you as a regal lioness? I do believe Kevin wants to engage in what humans call beastiality, but that is not my swag, as I've heard the kids say.

The fact of the matter is the Creator, God, the most high, Allah, Jehovah, whoever is responsible for life, made us with the intent to lay around in the sun, dip in the water, and tear some stuff up. That's it, that's our purpose. When humans try to domesticate us and make us their cute show and tell toys, we're just bubbling under the surface. Poor Travis, God bless the dead, clearly had enough of being made, well, a monkey.

Chris: Interesting indeed. Now I must ask because us humans are in a panic. A lot of us have this not-so-secret fear of you all arming yourselves and staging a hostile takeover of planet Earth. Should we be concerned with an armed animal force in the coming years?

Meg: Not necessarily. I mean as you've seen with me, Travis, Roger Simians and the squirrels, we're not going to take domestication lightly, but it's still years to go before we start taking everything over, even if we do. Our unspoken code in the animal world is "live and let live." If you leave us to our natural habitat and way of life, we will leave you to yours. You don't see me covering your sporting events, so I would hope you wouldn't be grazing around trying to kill an elephant with your teeth and hands like I would!

Chris: Good point. Is there anything you'd like to say in closing to maybe get your point across, even though you've done that fairly well in this sit down.

Meg: Yes - Dear, sweet, gentle, kindly little humans - Fall back. We are NOT your playthings, we are dangerous, ill-tempered, hungry powerful machines of death. We will make you a Happy Meal and think nothing of it. If you leave us to our routine and daily living, we will leave to yours and we can go back to co-existing without us beating the crap out of you.

Chris: Yes indeed. Well Meg, thanks again for the time, really appreciate it and good luck swimming with Kevin.

Meg: No, thank YOU Chris for giving me a chance to speak out. And I don't think I'LL be the one who needs the luck. *Evil lioness grin*

A Post Game Show Exclusive

I was working in D.C. yesterday afternoon and who else but V stopped by to keep me company. We hadn't seen each other since '06 in Indy, and considering I live in MD, there's no excuse for me not to see my friends that do live in this area. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is there is videotaped evidence of us goofing off at halftime of the game I was covering, so I present to you my first video blog:



Hope you all enjoyed our goofiness as much as we did, LOL