Papa was a rolling stone...

It's been I guess three weeks now since I got a friend request and accompanying message from someone who I knew of my entire life but never spoke to once.

My younger sister had warned me that this was coming, but I still have yet to respond or figure out how to deal with the chaotic emotional state this put me in.

It was so matter of fact, so casual, like nothing ever happened - which is true, but in a different sense. Yet I still wasn't prepared.

"Hi, I'm your sister, how are you? I'd like to meet you or talk to you sometime."

That sentence has left me frazzled ever since. My dad's lone child with his wife, a woman in her early to mid 30s, contacted me and my younger sis wanting to touch base. It's pushed me into a state of discomfort that I do not like at all.

The details of how this all came to be might be better served for the memoirs or something, but I know that this has left me feeling really awkward.

I feel super guilty that I have yet to respond, but part of me is annoyed, like "why now?" I guess I'm just so used to my immediate family being what it is that in spite of knowing what my dad was about and what he was doing, I just was never that pressed about it. Now the reality of it all is knocking at my door and like Jehovah's Witnesses (no offense to those that practice that faith), I just ignore it. But how can I? My younger sis and older sis (adopted, BTW) are trying to convince me to respond (younger sis and dad's daughter have already met), but what can I say?

I've always been a detached person - I isolate myself better than anybody else. People back home rarely know what's going on in my life or how I'm doing or if I'm even alive. So the prospect of having to confront these issues is really messing with my head and my heart and I just don't know what the hell to do. Maybe this woman IS just trying to make amends for it all (to be fair, her mother - his wife - pretty much ignored us and forced my dad to do the same, hence the non-existent relationship). Part of me isn't sure - I've already joked that if she thinks we've got paper, she's sadly mistaken.

God only knows. Maybe one day I'll respond and face this head on. Or maybe I'll continue to let it sit there and wonder to myself how I've become so detached from flesh and blood in the first place.

Frustrated thoughts, or "Why getting laid shouldn't be this hard"

I know far too many guys who get women to do what they want, when they want. It blows my mind that they can make phone calls/send texts and women are readily available for grown folks action.

So as my vacation week winds to a close, so begins what likely will be another super long busy period at work with no prospects of any kind. Part of it possibly is where I live, most of it is just the fact that women don't think enough of me to even treat me as a human being, let alone sleep with. Why is this such a big deal to me? Well, frankly, the old "you can't miss what you don't have" saying is a myth. You miss not doing anything. I can actually count the number of days almost to the hour during my droughts.

So yeah, it's a borderline obsession. Why? I mean what's the reason anybody likes doing anything? They enjoy it. I enjoy that part of male-female relationships. I just don't care for the other aspects of them. Therein lies the problem, I reckon - I just don't have the energy to put up a front. There are some cats who can get women to willingly go along with casual friends with benefits situations, but I can honestly say that at least 65 percent of men who are sleeping with women outside of relationships are lying in some form. They've convinced some women that a commitment's on the horizon, that they aren't interested in any other woman, XYZ.

Unfortunately, I can't lie. I learned very early in life when I tried to hide a behavior report (cardboard material, BTW) from my mom by flushing it down a toilet that it was just better for me to tell the truth, because lying wasn't something I was ever gonna be good at. That pretty much means I can't say to a woman "You're the only one for me, I want to be with you only, can we make love?" Because that's a flat-out lie.

Yet, the direct, forward, tell-it-like-it-is approach has rarely, if ever, worked for me either. I guess because even when I'm telling the truth, I guess I already have a sense of "she's going to say no because of how I look/my weight, etc." And more often than not, no is of course the answer, mainly because I don't fit the description of a man women want to be naked for. I don't believe that women are prudes because they think about and want sex just like men do - probably more so if you believe these studies and surveys.

So what can I do? I don't know. I just know I'm tired of once or twice and year that's it. That's no way for anybody to live - even if they're universally undesirable like me.

Where Have I Been?

Well, thanks to randomly checking this blog, an e-mail from MrsTDJ and Ms. Wright telling me to get back to it, I guess I should update you guys on where I am.

I've been in the gym for three 1/2 months now, I lost seven pounds in July so I'm making progress. I just need to focus on the eating part of this whole deal. I still eat emotionally, way over portioned and still unhealthy. If I can lose seven pounds with my current eating habits? Sky's the limit when I get those habits under control.

I'm on vacation after tomorrow, and I'm not even planning to go anywhere. I'm just going to relax and get ready for the super grind at work. I am planning to buy a laptop to replace my antiquated desktop, so hopefully with a faster computer, I'll have more opportunities to blog.

Also, Twitter has taken up all of my random thoughts time. So much easier to just randomly say what I want there and also keep up with a favorite *ahem* lady blogger.

Three years have gone by pretty fast actually since I finished college and I've been employed in some form every step of the way. The pressures and annoyances of my gig get to me once in a while, but I try to remember it could always be worse.