Ask Chris: The Questions and answers

So I had three ladies ask me questions (you know, I know more than three people, y'all better ask me some damn questions, LOL), and I'm going to answer their questions all in one entry. Read it, you might learn something about your boy.

The first batch of questions comes from D'lee Trecia (my answers will appear after each question):

Ok, Where is your photo?
Well, I honestly don't think of myself as much to look at, so I keep my photos to myself to avoid embarrassment. May post one eventually

One of your past post mention how difficult it is to find a real woman, What do you think you are doing wrong? eg looking in the wrong places, trying so hard etc?
I guess I would say trying too hard and not trying right. In some of my archives, I talk about my dependence on internet conversation instead of meeting women the old fashioned way because of my shyness and my lack of confidence in my appearance. If I tried to talk to women in person instead of online, maybe things would be different.

I'm sure you want to be a father, do you feel your time is running out? that you might be too old to run after your child?
I think about that often. I wanted to be married by 26 and a father before 30...that ain't lookin' too hot right now. I guess you're only as old as you feel, but I refuse to be a first time father at 40. Ain't happenin'.

If you could be a Disney character, who would you want to be and why?
Sadly, my favorite Disney movies and my some of my all-time favorites are the Herbie The Love Bug movies, so I guess I'd be a 1963 Volkswagen Beetle with a mind of its own, LOL...not sure why though.

Fave quote?
I have a ton, but my current favorite is by football legend, activist and actor Jim Brown: "I'm not interested in trying to work on people's perceptions. I am who I am, and if you don't take the time to learn about that, then your perception is going to be your problem."

I want to gain some weight, how can I do so? Seems when I eat and eat it only goes to my stomach and it disappear after a while...
Oh, if I had that problem, I wouldn't be as big as I am now. I guess you could probably try to develop some muscle tone or deal with supplements and weight gain shakes, but those things are so unsafe; the shakes and the supplements, that is.

Next batch of questions comes from the Mighty Memphiz Soul:

1. Why do you blog?
Originally, this blog started as a sports blog, but once I felt more comfortable blogging about my life and making friends from it, it became an outlet to speak my mind on various subjects, so it's a cathartic exercise as well as a networking tool.

2. What is your type of chick?
Ha, I don't even feel comfortable enough talking to a woman in person, let alone identifying what kind of woman I want. I guess I can say a woman who's beautiful inside and out, intelligent, caring, thoughtful, has a healthy sense of humor, has her own thing going, and likes being around me. I doubt I ever find or even am worthy of a woman like that.

3. If you had to choose between toilet paper or tooth paste which one would you choose and why? LMAO (answer the question)!!
Living with those Africans got you messed up, huh? Toilet paper always. Like you can just keep your mouth closed if things get that bad. A dirty bee-hind? No coming back from that one.

4. What are your thoughts about marriage?
I kinda get bitter and say things like "boo" every time I see a wedding announcement or some pictures because the older I get, the more I realize that I may spend my entire life alone. I mean I'd love to be wrong, but I guess marriage works if you want it to work. If you like playing the field, then you shouldn't waste your time or someone else's by trying to settle down.

5. If you could meet any bloggers who and why?
I'd love to meet so many of my blogger friends (a lot of whom I've met already, but for argument's sake, I'll go with the ones I haven't.) Jam and I are always cracking eachother up, I think we'd make a great comedy duo; her fabulosity and my odd negro-osity...comedy GOLD. La because she's so outspoken and her life just seems to be an adventure a minute. To be around that for a day or so would be cool. You of course, Memph, because I want to be there when somebody pisses you off and you make that face. I'll be rolling on the floor, thankyouverymuch :) And finally, Eb, just to see if she's as wild as she appears to be in my opinion, lol.


6. What song would describe your typical day?
Probably my favorite song of all time, "Higher Ground," by Stevie Wonder. Just always looking to keep on going until I get to my own Higher Ground, which is something I have yet to figure out, but day to day, it's all about climbing the mountain and trying to get to the top.

And finally, we have Eb's questions:

I'm gonna concur with D'lee and ask why you all secretive and dont have a pic psted?
I'm not being secretive, I'm just not ready to put a face that will never be mistaken for Denzel completely out there yet, LOL

If you could date 3 blog women in real life who would they be and why?
Oh hell no. You ain't gettin' me in trouble. If my blog crush ever found out, I'd surely die. Sorry, I'm passing on this one, LOL

How do you know D. Sands?
Through mad networks of young black journalists, and of course he's a founding member of Ten95.

What do you and the other young professionals hope to accomplish with the ten95 blog?
I think what we set out to do was to through us, give other young professionals in our field a place where they can read our entries and say "hey, I'm going through that!" And be able to get through it rationally and learn something that will enhance their skills through our trials and tribulations. And I think we've done a pretty good job of that :)

So there you have it. The floor is still open for questions people, so you can comment on my answers to these three ladies' questions and fire away if you have some of your own.

Ask Chris

Stolen from my good friend Memphiz, I'm going to open the floor to you guys to ask me any kind of question you want about me or my opinion on certain things. Leave 'em in the comments and knock yourselves out!

The Rape In R&B

I hate R. Kelly. Those who've read my blog and had the pleasure of conversing with me know this very well. But for my new readers, I feel compelled to explain to you all why you'll catch me making crude and disrespectful analogies about the self-proclaimed "King of R&B."

I remember where I was when I first heard about the existence of a sex tape with R. Kelly. Chillin' in the William C. Jason Library at Delaware State University early in the Spring '02 semester when a friend of mine came running up to me as I was surfing the web (undoubtedly on BlackPlanet. Don't judge me.). "Yo Chris, that n***a R. Kelly got a tape out, he's pissing on a broad, you gotta see it!"

I'm like "that's a nasty ass grown woman to allow that." Then my friend shook his head. Slow, precise, rigid and regretful shaking of his head. "This chick ain't grown, dog." After watching this barely pubescent child do things that some grown women don't do and having that lowlife urinate on her, what little respect I had for R. Kelly was long gone. Sure as a curious and horny pre-teen in 7th grade, my older sis' copy of 12 Play got stolen from her house often so I could learn how to seduce my finest of lady classmates (in my mind, anyway), but after he turned a soul/funk icon like Ron Isley into a brotherman version of Don Corleone, I was pretty much done with R. Kelly, save for Tp-2.com, which I hate to admit now was a very solid album.

As it stands, some six years later, R. Kelly has not gone on trial because one of the prosecutors that's supposed to be trying this perv is knocked up (the baby won't come out!) amongst other hold-ups. The young lady won't testify nor will her parents (wonder if they have the new G5) and it leaves little doubt that the justice system is shaky not only when it comes to money, but when it comes to the welfare of young black girls.

R. Kelly isn't the only sick, depraved individual to use power, wealth and authority over teenage black girls. It's an unspoken sort of ignorance in our community, some dude, well into his 20s and beyond, finds a young lady, ripe of body and naive of mind and uses the daddy influence to charm or buy a girl out of her panties and control over her and her body. I knew of many girls growing up that had "boyfriends" (squicks me out to even consider those fools as such) well into adulthood when these chicks had just left 9th grade health class. It's like Eve said on her first album "didn't have a daddy/so I put a daddy in his place/thought it was cute to flirt with older cats, up in they face..."

These guys are using their age as some sort of "experienced lover" aphrodisiac to get to these girls when it's quite clear that they weren't/aren't man enough for a grown woman, be it physically, emotionally or mentally.

What bothers me even more than these dudes taking advantage of young girls is the belief that the girls are pretty much inviting this action to take place. I can't tell you how many times I've had to argue down my mother, aunts and older female relatives that just because young girls are developing faster than ever does not mean they wear tight t-shirts that say "I want you, you dirty old man. Deflower me!" The consensus statement that seems to be made by folks in the black community when situations like this come to light is "she wanted it." Oh really? It's just another wicked double-standard that preaches self-control amongst women when it really needs to be men that have to slow their roll. As a ladyfriend of many years once said to me, "just because the buffet is all you can eat, doesn't mean you have to eat it all!" Especially when the fixins are totally illegal and under-aged.

However, when these regular fools are caught playing young girls, they more than likely will at least get their day in court. R. Kelly has yet to have one. And that brings me to my reason for hating R. Kelly; the mindless sheep who support this clown and make his current music seem like it's the greatest thing since sliced bread.

When I first got to the DC/MD/VA area, R. Kelly was coming to the MCI center for a show, and while listening to the radio, the deejay posed a question that basically invited people to slurp this fool even further. "Because he's a great songwriter," "Trapped in the closet is the best thing to happen to music in a long time!" "He's so damn sexy!" That was a grown woman on the line that time. Honey, he ain't thinkin' about you! *Herman Edwards voice* HuhLOW?! And everybody in hip-hop and R&B that has collaborated with him (and trust me, that list is longer than his child porn charges) should be ashamed of themselves for whoring themselves out selling the welfare of our girls up the river for a few royalty points and radio spins. Ask Ludacris, Ja Rule, Joey Crack, Twista, Usher, et al., if they'd let that fool near any of their daughters/young female relatives? Hell, it's been reported that he slept with his former publicist's step-daughter, who he know since she was FOUR YEARS OLD! When is enough enough? Sheesh.

So there you have it. When you hear me say "I'm sweating like R. Kelly at a debutante ball" or "I'm bored like R. Kelly at a grown woman's convention," you now know the back story. I just wish I wasn't in the minority in my hatred for the Pied Piper (that's a children's story about a dude playing his flute, for Christ sakes) who continues to play black people and our young girls for fools.

Help!

O.K., so I've been pretty happy with my boring personal life as of late, but recently I've felt myself feeling kinda lonesome, and I want more than just some hangout partners or clubbing friends (hell, I don't even club). Basically, I'd like to date, but I have a problem. The same thing I've been at war with for years apparently is a serious deterrent to women; my weight. How do I know this? Nearly every woman I've had issues with (and that's most of the women I've come in contact with) has made reference to my weight and facial features in an insulting and degrading manner. Yet my friends and associates claim that women ARE NOT visual creatures. How much sense does that make?

It's frustrating because quite frankly, I am NOT getting any younger. Lord willing, I'll be 27 in about six months, and my closest friends back home in Delaware have started families at pretty much the same age. Ask me how close I am to marriage, hell, even a relationship? Not even. Not. Even. Yet and still, I'd like to have at least a short run at dating and casual intimacy before I do decide to spend the rest of my life with one woman, but I can't even find a woman who isn't superficial and shallow.

You would think that being a decent guy with a college education, a career and his own freakin' place to live would be positives that they could appreciate, however, my size is such an issue that they either turn me down, ignore me completely, want to be just friends, or throw insults. I could see if I was one of the people on Jerry Springer who need forklifts and walls torn down to get the hell out of the house, but I'm not that big. Not even close!

However, my friends and associates swear that "confidence" and "swagger" trumps all. I call bullshit. Confidence and swagger are exclusive only to guys who have had the experience of women falling all over them and respecting them as human beings because of how good they look. Now why wouldn't a dude who gets mistaken for actors/athletes/rappers feel good about himself? You can't be a normal guy with self confidence, because quite frankly, people will work hard to tear it away from you instead of "being drawn" to your confidence.

I'm pretty much open to comments, opinions and suggestions right now, because right now I'm very very annoyed and alone. And I'm not feeling these feelings at all.

It's That Time Again

Knowing that I have a gift for predicting song hits and the unbridled arrogance to critique them, I bring to you folks another Musical Musings post. This seems to be the best time to do a post like this because (1) I'm loving the fact that I'm finally getting mad comments (please keep visiting and commenting, new folks!) and (2) my foul mood towards the fairer sex could result in a disastrous post. So instead of venting like I normally do, I decided to chill and just offer my opinion on what's popping on the radio.

First up is Miss Jackson's third single from discipline, "LUV." Clearly this ain't our older sister's Janet, as the Jerkins-synthesized track is a stark contrast from the free-flowing sound Jam & Lewis gave Janet in the late 80s through the mid 90s. But I will say this track is great for those mid-day cruises when the weather is absolutely beautiful. Roll the windows down, turn it up and bob along....but keep your eyes on the road or else you'll almost end up contributing to the road kill crisis. That was a quick ass rabbit, and good for him. Didn't want that on my conscience.

Mariah Carey has hooked up with The Dream for "Touch My Body" and I'd like to say that this song speaks to me as a public service announcement to get a big man in your life, ladies. "Touch my body/throw me on the floor/wrestle me around/play with me some more..." no 160 pound dude is going to be able to do all that. Now a brother like me....*Rerun from What's Happenin' voice* hey HEY hey!

Trey Songz is ignant. Not ignorant, "Ignant." Why? The song "Last Time" is wrong wrong wrong on so many levels, but absolutely scintillating. He's cheating on his girlfriend with this girl who apparently does her thing behind closed doors, but he feels guilty, so Trey and the other woman prepare to knock boots for the last time. Never has infidelity sounded so sexy.

"You just do you....Umma do ME!" You already know, and if you don't, get from under that rock. How many times have you been doing your thing, and someone tries to imitate you, poorly at that? Well, newcomer Rocko has just the song for you. He tells the offending copycat to do himself, while Rocko does him. That's my new catch phrase for the spring "Wanna see how it's done? Then watch me do me!" Along with Diddy declaring that there will be no bitchassness in Bad Boy. I actually put a sign up with that at my desk to remind myself to be aggressive and tough on my job. Don't believe me? Picture will be coming in the next post.

"Falsetto" is my jam. That's all you need to know. The Dream is clearly another creation of urban radio, but in between writing hits for J. Holiday, Mary J. Blige and Mariah, he's got his own lil naughty late night cut. I identify with his passion for the high note, because there is a certain, well...joy when you can make your partner raise their voice a few octaves.

You know, Hova and Mary J. are so badass, so off the hook, that they can get Swizz Beatz to craft them a song made especially for their cross-country "Heart of the City" Tour. "You're all welcome" is an absolute banger that revisits that fall '96/winter '97 magic that gave us "Can't Knock the Hustle." Although these are two different songs, Jay and Mary together is just classic on all levels. Now THAT would be a real "Best of Both Worlds" album.

Finally, although I've been imploring anyone within ear or text shot to check out Raheem DeVaughn's album "Love Behind the Melody," I've got to talk about the new single "Customer." This. Is. That. DEAL. This is more about the video than the song, because the song is great. I was so glad the video was done as tastefully as it was. I figured the video director would go for some sort of restaurant scene, but instead, Benny Boom decided to go with the art of pursuit as the theme, and the vid is fan-freaking-tastic. Check it out below;



For those who are new to The Post Game Show, I must let you know that music is a helluva drug in my life. Given a choice between being deaf or blind, I'd rather be blind, because dammit I couldn't last a day without hearing something on the radio. But I'm very thankful God has let me keep both up to this point :)

Lip Service

*Note, blogger has been cutting the fool all day long, so much so that Jam and I have decided to take these fools to court for distress and cruelty, so let's see if this entry publishes*

I think I realize something about playing up your best qualities that I didn't know before. It helps if you don't play up the not-so-good ones. Like for example, I do homegrown mustache and goatee trimmings until I can summon up the courage to find a black barbershop to take this afro off the top of my skull and clear my face completely as well (that day is coming next pay day, don't worry folks). And after the final snips are done and I soak the lower half of my face in astringent, I smile. A genuine, relieved, "I'm feeling sexyyyyyyyyyy, I wanna hear you say my name girl" smile.

For those who aren't completely familiar with the enigma that is Chris, smiling has never been something I've done with great pleasure after the age of, let's say 12. The seeds for the moody, depressed, aloof person I've had a tug of war with for a decade were planted and I just never stayed in front of a camera just to smile.

Smiles really became non-existent when the hairy gene my dad passed on to me took effect, covering my face in hair. I used to think I was hideous, grinning with a full on beard and goatee. Then when I realized that barbers could get rid of the mustache/goatee combo that really wasn't that damn hairy with clippers (I still haven't learned to shave), I had that added as part of my time in the chair, and when it was done, I felt like a new man.

Back to playing up your best attributes, when I think of best physical qualities, not to much comes to mind, and I guess my size has something to do with that, but two things I'll always be sure of; women love my eyes and my lips. Especially my lips. Since I became *ahem* active almost seven years ago (damn, has it been that long?), the compliments have mostly centered on how fun it is to kiss me because of these soup coolers.

Of course I was skeptical, because I've never paid any attention to a physical compliment, especially after so many years of being torn down for being a bigger guy. "My lips can't be that appealing...can they?" Well, once I started 86ing the mustache and keeping Chap Stick on me, the appeal was apparent. I now think I'm the most kissable Negro in America, and I'm sure enough in my sexuality and masculinity that I can count my lips as a solid physical attribute that any women would love to have in a man.

So I've figured it out. As long as I keep hair off my face and a genuine smile, I'll have an ally in the ongoing war against low self-esteem. And that's something you can seal with a kiss.

Worth The Weight

I should've known something was up when I put on my newer pair of black sweatpants and they felt uber tight, even though they didn't look it. Yet I trekked out the front door this afternoon anyway, expecting to complete my 4-mile walk even though I hadn't been out in a month and some change. My back had other ideas. I barely got to the end of my neighborhood's enclave before the small of my back started screaming at me to turn around and get back to the house or else I was going to be ass out in the middle of the street. I did as I was told.

Tonight, I'm in a bad mood because not only have I put on a good 40-45 pounds since I moved to Maryland 4 1/2 months ago, but it's been a sloppy-ass 40 to 45 at that. As I said in my most recent voice post, this is what happens when you have a job (more stressful than it should be) and bills and such to account for. Working out goes out the window and emotional eating somehow forces its way back in.

For those who aren't familiar with the term, my eating habits basically are at the mercy of my emotions. Sad, Angry, Relieved, whatever. I'll pig the hell out, and like most quick fixes and temporary thrills, it hurts more than it helps. It doesn't help that the unhealthy things I was able to kick for 90 percent of 2007 are now at my beck and call because I have a job and the means to buy them.

That's how I've gone from a manageable (and some would say, well-proportioned) 284 pounds to 323 as of Thursday evening (my voice post said 329, but I was guesstimating then, I stepped on a scale at the local college that told me the real). That's 39 pounds officially, and I can't go up another lick. I've got to get it back to where I was when I dropped 80 pounds from 05/22/06 to 10/01/07.

Strictly for personal reasons, because I never felt better about myself when I was able to say that my weight started with a 2. It had been so long since I could feel comfortable with my weight and I was starting to turn the corner in terms of how I see myself. Now I feel myself slipping back into that abyss of low self esteem and self-hatred that has plagued me since my teenage years. I can't go back. I simply can't.

So I'm writing this list in this entry largely to remind myself of what I hope to accomplish in March and going forward, and I would LOVE for you guys to help me and hold me to it. Sure you're hundreds, maybe even thousands of miles away, but the encouragement is always a plus.

So this is what I want to do from tonight to March 31st.

Force myself to buy cold cuts and fruits....and NOTHING ELSE.
Drink water and orange juice instead of eating late night.
Drink water and keep some fruit or gum at the office.
Stretch more.
Do some sit-ups to shrink this damn gut (which is really why my back was screaming at me today)
Try and stay away from chick-fil-a and Rick's cheesesteaks for the entire month.
Walk little by little until my back doesn't hurt and my clothes get loose again.
Find things to do outside of work so my mind won't be on food.
Work harder if I have to.
DON'T LET STRESS RULE EVERYTHING.

The 10 "get at least eight pounds off in March" Commandments for me this month. You guys think I can do it? I hope I can, and any help you all can give via the comments are greatly appreciated it. Meanwhile, I'm going to get a glass of water. *Mumbles to self* Damn emotional eating.